Zander is now a teenager....Oh My!!!

Holding Zander in our arms for the first time produced so many emotions all at once.  Of course the normal emotions that every first parent experiences were present.  Things like, where is the instuction manual?  Am I going to know what to do when he is sick?  How will I always protect him?  Will I be able to answer all his questions?  But with Zander, I had far more questions than an average first time parent would have.  Will he be able to hear when I sing to him?  Does he have a stomach?  How will he ever be able to play sports without thumbs?  How can Zander sign if he doesn't have thumbs?  Are his kidneys and heart functioning properly?  How long will he live?  But as the hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months, these questions soon became answered or no longer mattered. 

Beau and I excitedly celebrated Zander's first birthday. 

It was shortly prior to his 1st birthday that he was finally given a clean bill of health.  He could hear (with only a mild hearing loss), his kidneys (although one being undersized) were functional, his heart was completely normal.  And his thumbs?  Still missing, but we knew it was going to be ok.  It was at this time, that Beau and I started really getting excited about Zander's future.  We just had an unexplained peace about Zander and knew he would be celebrating many more birthdays.  He was truly our little miracle. 

Now he is 13.  With 13 comes a lot of unwanted things.  His voice sounds funny.  He has dark hairs above his lip.  He suddenly knows everything.  Beau and I aren't as smart as we once were.  We certainly are not as cool as we once thought we were.  Zander is doing a lot of changing now.  He is now as tall as me (I know that's not saying much), we can wear the same size shoes, and he is wearing adult sized clothes.  I almost do not recognize him anymore. 

But, one thing is still present that allows me to SEE him.  His heart.  I am so thankful for glimpses (even short ones) of his kind heart.  You see, Zander is exactly like me is a lot of ways.  That likeness creates a lot of "butting heads".  But then God reveals Zander's heart to me and I melt.  I see moments of kindness and genorsity.  I witness times of tenderness when Zander is reading a book to his brothers.  I see God working in him and through him.  I get to see "ah-ha" moments as he discovers something new about God. 

This past year has been especially hard on our family.  Zander celebrated his 12th birthday with just his dad in New Hampshire.  No friends.  No mom.  No brothers.  But through the trials and loneliness, Zander handled this time apart in a new area with much grace and maturity. 

Now, Beau and I have a new set of questions on Zander's 13th Birthday.  Will WE survive the next few years?  Will we have the wisdom and patience to handle situations WHEN they arise?  Has Zander learned anything we have taught him?  Will his conscience prevail?  Will he make good decisions?  Ugh, so overwhelming. 

We can only continue to pray for our first baby that God will protect him, grow him, challenge him, and most importantly, draw Zander closer to Himself.   Beau and I will love and embrace Zander every step of the way. 

I pray that Zander can learn to love himself as Christ loves him.  We sure do love you, son.