Life Lessons

As parents, you teach your children all the basic moral lessons you can squeeze into just a short time.  When you first bring home that sweet bundle of joy, 18 years seems like a very long time.  Plenty of time to teach them all they need to know.  But now, we are in the teenage years.  I remember having a hard time being an early teen.  But I never imagined how hard it was going to be as a mother of a teenager  As they get older, the lessons become harder to teach.  Partly, because the lessons become more serious and partly because as they become teenagers your children apparently already know everything.  In any case, Bruce and I are feeling the pressures of knowing that we really only have Zander under our wings for a few more years.  Now I do realize that although I would like to think Zander is under my control, the truth is Zander belongs to God.  God is in control and no matter what I do as a mom, God has a special plan for Zander's life.  The thoughts of him moving away to attend college frighten me, especially if his current behaviors and habits are to be an indication of future performance. 

My son recently encountered an opportunity to be the "bigger person" in a difficult situation.  He and 3 other boys had a huge History project to work on that took about a month to complete.  One boy in particular had the knack of pushing all of Zander's buttons (and pushing the buttons of the other teammates) and became delighted in doing so. I would love to report that Zander took the high road and made the right decision. Sadly, that was not the case.


Now, Zander is quite an intelligent guy but he also comes with very hard set opinions about most things.  As his mother, I sat by just watching this situation brewing.  Bruce and I both talked to Zander daily about trying to see the other boy's perspective.  We talked about keeping his cool.  Showing kindness, mercy, and most of all tolerance.  After all, God made everybody different.  We are not called to necessarily LIKE everyone, but we are certainly called to LOVE them.  Or at the very least, find a way to get along. 
Naturally, I would have rather this situation not occured.  But it did and now I was faced with dealing with the consequences.  And so was Zander.    I know there is always a lesson in everything.  There will be trials and opportunites for growth.  I just didn't want this one.  After much talking and praying with Zander, restrictions made and priviledges removed, my apologies made to the child's mother, Bruce and I thought we were done.  But no.  Zander had not make the necessary apologies to the teammate.  Without getting into the long details of this situation, Zander simply did not handle himself in a manner that would please God.  Things like pride, stubborness, and intolerance became the emotions that fed Zander's behavior.  It is so hard to sit by and watch our children stumble in the same areas we did when we were young.  We want to protect our children.   But sometimes the only thing for a parent to do is to remain silent....for a time. 
At the conclusion of this project, Zander went up to the father and son and with a very sincere, heavy heart, he apologized.  The father came to me afterwards and praised Zander for his genuineness and acknowledged that Zander did this from his own repetence.  I know the lessons are going to be hard for Zander.  Afterall, he is my son.  I was an incredibly stubborn young lady and the only lessons I learned in life were always learned the hard way.

A dear friend told me that when she prays for her son, she no longer prays the same way she used to.  No longer does she simply pray for her son to make the right decisions or for him to do what is right.  Instead, she prays that God would convict her son so that he can remain right with God.  My friend is very smart and I too have begun praying that way.  Bruce and I are here to nurture, teach, love, discipline, and enjoy our children.  But it is HIS job to grab a hold of Zander's heart. 

So now, we wait for the next lesson in Zander's life and pray that he has grown from this experience.  I love Zander and I am proud of him.