Letting the Small Stuff Get in the Way

As a mother of 4 very busy, active, individual boys, it is so easy to get bogged down by the small stuff.  Army men in the Cheerios, which boy clogged the toilet THIS time, potty training my last child who is either extremely willful or I am extremely lazy, trying to figure out what that sticky substance is on the floor, what's for dinner tonight while secretly hoping that the electricity goes out  so that we can out to dinner, stepping on little dinosaurs that didn't get put away, re-assembling Lego Star Wars people until my fingers hurt, wondering when I will get some time to color all those grays that keep popping up; all of this while in my head wishing I could just wrinkle my nose like Samantha Stevens and make everything perfect in an instant.  Oh yeah, and also trying to make myself presentable by the end of the day so that Beau can come home to a wife that has it "all together."  I don't know why I keep trying to do this because Beau knows me better than I know myself and he knows what a chaotic mess is going on in my head....and still loves me anyway. 

An excerpt from a blog was sent to me this morning.  I have this sweet friend that reads and follows this blog and whenever she comes across something that she thinks would speak to me, she forwards it to me.  Goodness knows, she understands that I don't actually find much time to sit down and read the entire blog for myself but thankfully she sends me the stuff that I would love.  And so far, she has never been wrong.  The author of this blog is a real woman with 4 children, one who is adopted, and has been a missionary in Haiti.  But most importantly, she loves Christ, she loves her family, and she is blatantly honest.  I like that in people.  Transparency.  I strive to be that way too.  She if funny, endearing, cute, humble, and has a way with words.  I just know we would be best of buddies, if she even knew I existed.  LOL. 

Anyway, her recent blog was as follows: 

"The way I see it, if you have four kids, you don't really have to do anything else, ever. Three kids is a handful, but one that many people manage to hold. If you're a mother of four, you definitely don't have to have a career or volunteer for the school fund-raiser or even bring an appetizer to the dinner party. In fact, people give you a lot of credit for wearing both earrings and knowing how to spell chaos and antidepressant. Four kids gives you a pass for every forgotten birthday, overlooked appointment, and missing form. Plus, you can be late for everything the rest of your life and never return phone calls. Who's gonna blame you? It's like having nonthreatening cancer, forever." -- Kelly Corrigan in The Middle Place.
According to the author, Kelly Corrigan, I now have a built-in excuse for all my short comings.  Wow, I am so relieved.  Suddenly, my house doesn't look quite a messy as it did in my mind and perhaps I am tougher on myself than I should be.  As much as I loved that quote and even giggled a bit, I found the next quote thought provoking and convicting. 

 Corrigan says this about her dad...

"I think people like him because his default setting is open delight. He's prepared to be wowed - by your humor, your smarts, your white teeth, even your handshake - guaranteed, something you do is going to thrill him...People walk away from him feeling like they're on their game, even if they suspect that he put them there. He does that for me too. He makes me feel smart, funny, and beautiful, which has become the job of the few men who have loved me since. He told me once that I was a great talker. And so I was. I was a conversationalist, along with "creative," a notion he put in my head when I was in grade school and used to make huge, intricate collages from his old magazines. He defined me first, as parents do. Those early characterizations can become the shimmering self-image we embrace or the limited, stifling perception we rail against for a lifetime. In my case, he sees me as I would like to be seen. In fact, I'm not even sure what's true about me, since I have always chosen to believe his version."
Wow.  Wow.  Who doesn't want to be that kind of parent for their kids?  I started really thinking about this.  The more and more I try to manage my childrens' behaviors, the more I am stifling their identities.  Perhaps embracing and celebrating their quirky personalities would serve them better.  It is easy to worry about all the undesirable behaviors and believe me, some days it feels like all I witness are the undesirable behaviors.  Teenage hormones (enough said), 5 year old's need for investigating, 4 year old's need to figure EVERYTHING out and oh yeah, possibly has some form of autism, 3 year olds refusal to keep his new Toy Story underwear dry and has a quick temper.  But all the while, I am missing the things that make my children special. 

So, as I become drained daily by the little things, I hope that I can remember this quote from Kelly Corrigan.  I want to be the kind of parent that inspires my kids and shows them the love of God.