Saying Goodbye to 2013

This has been an eventful year for the Bennett's with lots for which to be thankful.  The fiscal cliff that was looming over us last year came and went and we're still standing.  I no longer have any children in diapers, we bought a house, all four of my kids are now in school (of course, not at the same time), William got baptized, we finally have a diagnosis for Oliver and have implemented a successful drug therapy for him, Zander had his braces removed, a successful eye surgery, and started high school, and Carter is turning into a little person with only small glimpses of "baby things" left (like sucking his thumb and still being snuggled sometimes and sung to at night, all of which I still totally love).  Every once in a while I can be caught daydreaming about having another baby....but then I quickly wake up to reality as I hear running through the house or fighting over a coveted toy or my teenager complaining about homework.  Suddenly, then, I no longer pine for another baby........unless it were a girl.  I still ache for a little girl.  In fact, I tear up when I pass through the baby girl clothing section at the stores.  The hair bows, the pink, the frills, the girly stuff.  It is simply too much.  Ok, confession, I never really have a REASON to pass through the girl section.  I purposely visit this section.  I don't know why I torture myself.  Of course, it doesn't help to have a husband who still gets mushy when he sees a baby.  You should just see his smile and the twinkle in his eye.  In some ways, he is more pitiful than I am. 

William's Baptism~ Silver Lake

Pastor Mike Rattin, William, Daddy

 

The day Zander's braces were removed

Brotherly Love

More Brotherly Love

 

We were blessed with an almost new car at NO cost.  My parents have visited twice this year and we were able to enjoy so many new memories with them.  Cami came and stayed with us for a few days and as always, we had a blast.  Other dear friends from Florida, the Jamieson's, came and visited one afternoon.  It was so good to see their whole family.  I got to go to Florida for a few days and make the rounds to see my friends and family. 

Nana and Pop and family picking out our new fruit trees

Family time~ carving pumpkins

Taking a break

Nana, Pop, and me

Cami and I in Maine

Cami and I at a beach in Maine

We have really enjoyed the last few months in our new home.  We have finished a few small projects throughout, some of the painting is complete, and some updating has been accomplished.  However, our list seems to be just as long as it was when we moved into the house.  But, one thing at a time.  Finally being homeowners once again has allowed me to feel settled.  I feel like I am home and right where I belong.  I hope that it will allow us to begin to plant roots.  It gives me a sense of security and permanency. 

New swing set

Organizational Project

Our new home

Our big back yard

Will's first BIG birthday party

Beau's job, although extremely hectic right now, is going well and we are very thankful for that.  Like last year, he is home for almost 3 weeks as his company shuts down at the end of the year.  This down time was much needed for him and our family.  We have spent days in our pajamas, sleeping in, and enjoying fun times with the boys.  However, when he returns to work next week, he will be under more pressure than ever as he is now a department of 1.  He is solely responsible for everything in the product design area until the company finds a couple of new people for his department.  Beau will be burning both ends of the candle for a while. 

2013 marked the year that all 4 boys are in school.  Zander, now a high schooler, started 9th grade.  Will and Oliver began kindergarten (different classes and different teachers), and Car began preschool.  I am happy to report that all 4 boys are doing well in their classes and enjoy going to school.  Zander decided to drop boy scouts this year and I was so sad about that decision.  However, in place of scouts, Zander picked up the chess club and the robotics team (both of which are great replacements with redeeming long term value).   William loves school and LOVES being social even more.  He has become quite a math and numbers master.  Everywhere we go his conversations revolve around numbers in some way.  Beau is always happy to entertain any numbers conversation.  Will so badly wants to learn to read and he is getting closer every day.   Oliver is doing better as the school year progresses, especially now that we have a drug therapy implemented.  He is a completely different child and with each day, we get some kind of confirmation or sign that Beau and I made the right choice for Oliver.  Carter has come a long way also.  He has lots of friends and he has a genuine passion to learn new things.  Although he is older and definitely bigger than his classmates, he is very gentle and patient.  Carter's teacher has commented many times about his desire to share and how well he gets along with his friends.  There was a time, when Carter was younger, that I worried about his aggression and temper.  But, as he has become older, he has learned to control it.

The two middles are becoming bigger helpers now

First day of high school

First day of Kindergarten

First day of Preschool

I turned 40 this year~ blah!!

The boys are becoming snowball making professionals.  In fact, they no longer act like Florida boys as they can now very quickly put on their snow clothes (even their gloves, which was a very difficult task for them) and erect a snowman with ease.  I am still not comfortable driving in the snow or ice, but at least now I live within a mile of the schools, small grocery store, and post office.  Church is within 2 miles and Beau's office is within 3 miles.  I can now go about 2 weeks on a single tank of gas.  We are pretty spoiled in our new home. 

Professional snowman builders

We enjoyed a nice Christmas this year.  Each boy, young and old, were very pleased with their stuff.  We kept Christmas small, but nice.  Last Christmas we were preparing for an upcoming move so the holidays felt pressured.  But this year was peaceful and calm.  Zander and I still participated in Black Friday shopping this season.  This year, however, I was feeling very convicted about shopping.  I was feeling guilty about my shopping while others were MADE to work because of MY shopping.  But Beau gently reminded me that Zander was looking forward to this time spent with me and that I should probably go anyway.  We did go, we got some amazing deals, had a great time, saw plenty of kind shoppers, but most importantly, Zander and I had some very deep conversations that I hope and pray will go a long way.  Those moments of bonding are so important!!  Below is our numerous "bad"attempts at capturing the family photo for our Christmas cards.  Last year, we took 61 shots to get to that perfect one.  This year, we stopped at 21.  We didn't get what I would call the perfect one, but the photographer (Beau) was done and so were the kids by the 21st shot.  I think I am going to start doing photo albums just for the "bad" photos.  They are HILARIOUS!  Great coffee table conversation piece. 

One of many "bad" takes

 

Still no

I don't think so

Nope

Well, at least Carter is happy

Definitely not a good one

Not sure what Will was doing here

I am so glad to report that the Christmas tree remained upright this whole season and the boys were great about leaving it alone.  We did have a couple of casualties (broken ornaments) this year, but not due to wild behavior near the tree.  So that is a complete success in my book!!  We brought in the new year the same as we have for the last 2 holidays here in New Hampshire....snacky foods and late night movies.  Carter, of course, didn't make it too long.  I think 9:30pm was his limit.  The other two made it to 10ish and Zander, Beau and I made it to 1:30am.  Nice quiet and intimate night with the family.  These moments are to be cherished. 

Christmas Eve just before evening church service

 

Each little boy got a new bike with a personalized license plate

Now the whole neighborhood can enjoy Car's singing!  LOL

New Year's Eve~ Little one fell asleep first

2013 was a busy year for us and we look forward to this upcoming year.  We hope and pray that your family has a peaceful and blessed 2014. 

I had forgotten what normal felt like

Moments of clarity.  Calmness in the house.  Productive play time.  Conversations that included two way communication.  Willingness to obey.  Genuine smiles.  Ability to sit down for an entire meal.  Giggles.  Volume control.  Manners.  Snuggle time. 

These are all things that were missing from our family for a very long time.....until this week.  I have gone on for so long dealing with "abnormal" and "stressful" family life that I began to believe the chaos was normal.  I had forgotten what happy family life felt like.  It was a distant memory that I found myself daydreaming about.  Oh sure, we had moments of fun and normal.  We had glimpses of happiness.  There were days when things went well.  I know every family has moments of chaos and problems, but these were consistent in our home.  Beneath the clean and organized appearance, there was a constant tornado brewing. 

But then, then, we finally decided that with all our efforts, nothing was helping the situation.  As mentioned in my previous blog, Beau and I finally decided to take the plunge and seek a medicine therapy for Oliver.  The psychiatrist added another diagnosis to Oliver's current state.  ADHD.  The dreaded ADHD.  The overused and over medicated diagnosis.  In a one hour session with the doctor, he was able to sum up very quickly the root of Oliver's problems......ADHD.  Oliver was literally standing on top of a chair, reaching for the ceiling trying to pull down the attic access, touching the man's beard, pulling out the desk drawers, messing with the computer, and bouncing from one side of the room to the other.  I was trying to control the situation, but the doc insisted that I allow Oliver to do as he will so that he could be observed.  I wanted to crawl in the corner and hide, but I suppose the doctor needed to see just how out of control Oliver can become.  He said that within the first five minutes of the appointment he knew that Oliver was "classic textbook ADHD".  Part of me felt relieved because that meant I wasn't crazy or had the title of "Worst Parent of the Year".  It meant that just maybe I was working an uphill battle in a snow storm.  Just possibly I wasn't as bad as I thought and maybe even somewhat defeated before I began.  I am not patting myself on the back, but there was actually a sigh of relief on my part as I began to see hope......medicine.  The doctor said that medication would change Ollie's complete outlook.  Not his personality, just his ability to control himself.  He would still be Ollie, just better.  The doctor, of course, advised that this could be a long journey as we seek to find the correct medication and the right dosage.  I prayed desperately that he would be wrong and that somehow by God's grace we would find the right one the first time. 

I left the doctor's office with a prescription in hand and a new outlook.  The first dose was given to Ollie the next morning.  The first several hours seemed unchanged.  We were told that we would see an almost immediate change.  Beau and I were a little sad because we thought we would have to give Ollie a higher dose the next day (as per the doc's advise).  Beau and I took Ollie to school with our fingers crossed that everything would continue to be ok.  We went to lunch, did some Christmas shopping.  Oliver was of course the topic of our conversations but we were hopeful.  When we arrived home, I had a message from the school nurse.  I immediately had an uneasy stomach.  I called her back only to find out that Oliver was non-stop talk, literally bouncing around the room, and on super speed.  It was Oliver times 1000!!!  By the time he got home, he was so sick with a headache and nausea.  Beau and I cuddled with him in our bed for about 45 minutes until the Motrin took affect.  I was discouraged.  We knew that we would have to try a lesser dosage tomorrow and that this medication may not work at all.  But then, when Ollie's headache was gone, he sat up and told me in great detail about his day.  He spoke calmly, clearly, enthusiastically, and with volume control.  Was this a moment of clarity?  Was this the medicine?  Is this what I can expect in the future?  Wow, I was in tears.  We had a conversation where he actually LISTENED to me.  Unbelievable. 

The next day we administered a half dose and we saw a complete transformation.  He played with his brothers and there was no fighting.  He played with Legos for hours and never became frustrated.  He "visited" me to give me hugs.  He offered to help me clean the dishes.  We have had meals at the table with out Oliver fleeing.  Oliver is TALKING to me now about his day.  He has been giggling with pure joy and happiness.  What!?  This can't be my Ollie, but maybe it is.  He has been on this half dose for a week now and we have a completely different little guy.  He still gets enthusiastic, but it is mostly controlled.  Of course, as I am writing this, he and Carter and pretending to be dinosaurs and are chasing each other around the playroom.  Oliver still gets a little frustrated with his winter/snow clothes, but there is no longer a complete meltdown.  Oliver still has some anxiety, but he is finally talking to me about his fears.  So, it's Oliver, but better. 

I was driving home after picking up Oliver school and out of no where, he said that he had "magic medicine."  I asked him what he meant and he his response was just this, "When I used to be wild, now I am calm.  When I used to dance around, I now sit and eat.  Now I am being good at school and I like it."  My heart rejoiced.  I was amazed that HE could see a difference.  Maybe this was just a little way to show me that Beau and I had made the right decision. 

For those of you that have prayed on our behalf, thank you.  I know that this will not be the last medicine he will be on and I know that we will have many future trials and errors, but for now, we have normal.  And I am thrilled. 

Standing on the Edge

You know that feeling when you are teetering between taking a leap of faith or standing on safe ground?  Have you ever felt torn or even frightened to make a decision?  Where decision A is to continue to do the same thing but has proven to be unsuccessful and where decision B has possibilities but is scary.  Well, Beau and I are standing on the very tip of the ledge and last night we prayerfully made the decision to jump.  However, just in making the decision is a relief in itself.  Whether or not plan B will work it is just nice to have a new hope.

I have described Oliver in many of my blogs.  He is such a love, but he gets so much of my "blog attention" because frankly, he can be very high maintenance.  You know the old saying, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", well, that's what happens in our family.  Zander is older, and other than his occasional "teenage" moments, he is independent.  Will, although he is only 6, is very easy.  He is laid back and calm, therefore, he does not require intense parental involvement.  Carter, 4, loves to use his imagination and sing and plays by himself constantly.   But Oliver is in need of constant refereeing, supervision, guidance, reminders, ques, and attention (unless he is playing with his Legos, in which case he could be "lost" in his room for hours building an awesome airplane or race car).  We work very hard to carve time out with each child; time that is valuable and meaningful.  We also appreciate our family time.  However, much of our day is consumed with helping Oliver overcome something.  His emotions are always felt in the extreme.  His sadness is in the true depths of despair.  His excitement is revealed in hyperness.  His anger is rage.  There is no level ground for him which makes our days very tumultuous at minimum.  Even our youngest son, Carter, has learned in order to get along with Oliver, there must be much compromising whereby Carter gives in a lot.  Although that is not what I wish to have happen because I don't want to cater to Oliver's every whim, but in the effort of "getting along" the other five of us make these concessions regularly.  It's easier.  But it's wrong. 

Oliver has finally received an official diagnosis.  It is different than what I had expected.  He suffers from anxiety, depression, and sensory issues.  The anxiety and sensory issues are very apparent, but the depression scares me.  If this goes on unchecked and unaided, this diagnosis could literally be the death of my little boy.  When Beau and I adopted Ollie, we knew there was family history that would possibly present problems for our little guy.  But we believed, deep down in our hearts, that with enough love, safety, nurturing, and consistency, Oliver would overcome these odds.  We love Oliver with every ounce of our souls, and yet, it's not enough.  I read in a friend's blog recently who is going through some medical and developmental issues with her own son that he was "broken".  I truly understand that.  But, then, aren't we all broken in some way?  As a mom, you begin to look inward to find fault for your children's dysfunctions.  Surely, I've done something wrong.  I am inadequate somewhere.  Oliver isn't getting what he needs from ME.  I am failing.  But, then I have to believe that God has a purpose for everything and if that is true, then there is purpose in Oliver being a Bennett and there is purpose in Oliver suffering from these diagnosis.  Maybe we as a family is learning more tolerance, more empathy, more patience, how to love when it is hard to do that sometimes?  These are all worthy skills to learn and wouldn't we all benefit from these? 

Anyway, our decision to begin some kind of drug therapy has begun.  Oliver has an appointment with a psychiatrist next month.  Beau and I held off on this decision for months because we felt that as parents, it was our duty to exhaust every other avenue before turning to drugs.  This was a very difficult decision to make and we struggled with this.  It is a scary thought to put a little person on such "big" medicines.  But watching Oliver struggle daily with anxiety, discomforts, fears, and anger is just no longer worth it.  We have tried therapy (to a small extent), we have altered his diet, we are working with OT, he has several accommodations at school, and yet, these are not enough.  Oh yes, he has good days.  But when he has a bad day, it's an AWFUL day.  But just knowing that Beau and I prayed about this issue for months and feeling confident that God has led us down this path, we take comfort in this decision. 

If you feel led, please pray for our little guy.  He is such a love with a tender heart.  I promise.  It's in there, just hidden by all his "stuff".  Thank you for all those that continue to pray, offer encouragement, and give us support.  It is appreciated.