A lot of things have been running through my head lately and because of that, I have been able to be distracted from the one major thing that is greatly worrying me. My sweet, big round eyed, soft wavy haired little Oliver. He comes with a smile that is so contagious and his eyes light up a room when he's happy. Beau refers to Ollie as our future "gentle giant". Ollie is full of tenderness and compassion.....but it is often masked behind his quick, hot temper.
Over the next few weeks, I made it my mission to work a lot with Oliver. Will was great during this time. Only being 13 months old himself, Will had an instant buddy. He sat along side me while I worked with Oliver building up his strength and coordination. I helped Oliver do sit ups, stretches, flexing exercises, and tummy time. I saw immediate improvements and knew that my labor was really making a difference. I was thrilled and just felt more confirmed everyday that he was supposed to be in our home.
Don't get me wrong. Managing a busy 9 year old, an inquisitive and active 13 month old, and now a "high maintenance" 6+ month old was definitely very difficult and demanding. I immediately began going far fewer places, had less time on the phone with friends, and was tired all the time. However, this was all ok because I knew I was ministering to this little boy. At this time, Beau and I didn't know how long this little guy would live with us because he had family members trying to adopt him. We were ok with that. We understood. We were trained for that. But, we would love him for as long as he was in our home. And we were totally content with that.
However, as months passed, we became very attached to Oliver. The bond between Oliver and William was that of a genuine brotherly connection. They loved each other. For the most part, Oliver was easy going. Really, the only time he pitched an uncontrollable fit was when his bottle was empty. I attributed that bahavior to his previous experiences of not having a bottle when he needed them. So, that behavior got written off. As Oliver got older, he was easy. Will was always under my feet wanting attention and that required a lot of my time. Oliver, on the other hand, was completely content to go off into the play room and play alone. Especially when Ollie learned to walk, he would wander around all the time by himself. But because he was "being good, not breaking anything, and playing contently and quietly", I allowed it. I often thought, wow, what a great kid. During this time, we had another foster daughter in the house and she had serious behaviors that required ALOT of my focus. So, I was happy that Ollie was "easy".
Oliver would frequently watch events around him from afar. He never truly engaged. He studied them. He mimicked them. But, he was ok with being removed from them. Because Oliver was so quiet and spoke so few words, I often wondered what was going on in his mind. Will was the kid that had an amazing vocabulary and I NEVER had to guess what HE was thinking. I thought Oliver just wasn't learning. I was worried but as sweet friends kept reminding me, Oliver was 6 months younger than Will. The gap between Will and Ollie seemed normal and justifiable. In the back of my mind, I still had concerns. But, I blew them off. Maybe fear. Maybe sadness.
Just after Oliver turned 2 and just before we adopted him, I had him evaluated by a clinician. I just wanted someone else to tell me he was ok. I NEEDED someone else to tell me he was ok. And I got that. Little did I understand at that time, he was simply too young to be truly diagnosed. But, the "seal of good mental health" satisfied me for a time.
Other behaviors began to develop with Ollie. His temper became sometimes uncontrollable. Often at times that didn't even make sense to me. People kept telling me it was that "hispanic hot-tempered blood". Again, I was ok with that. Also, Ollie became very obsessed with details. Like directions. He would have complete meltdowns if I went a different way home. I wrote this off as Ollie just being very direction oriented. Finally, Ollie started spitting out all the things I had been teaching him over the last months. All at ONCE. He started counting and saying lots of words. He started saying the alphabet. He started recognizing random numbers and letters. I saw this as an improvement and became very delighted with Ollie's progress. Oliver also began giving affection which was a very huge step in the right direction. Previously, his affection was forced and uncomfortable. It wasn't natural for him.
Beau and I often times used special expressions to describe Oliver to other people when behaviors seemed abnormal. We said things like, "He marches to the beat of his own drum", or "He's just very passionate", or "That's just Ollie". We would take Oliver to the playground. Instantly, Will had lots of friends and was the "popular kid". Ollie would always play and talk. But he played NEAR kids and he talked AT kids. But never played WITH kids and never talked TO kids. Beau and I just thought he was shy.
Well, here we are. Oliver is 3 1/2 and is still my sweet little boy. But now, I am at a place where I can openly admit that I think Ollie needs some help. I am not a clinician. I am not a therapist. I have not had intense child pyschology classes. But, I am a mother. Moms just know. I know that Oliver has some kind of connection that is lost or broken. The next big step is to accept that, embrace that, and learn to cope. I know that Ollie is special. Not in the "mentally challenged" way but in the "gift from God" way. I know that Oliver is supposed to be in our family and I am truly thankful for him. Nothing will ever change my feelings and love for him. He is my son. He is a Bennett. And I am proud.
No comments:
Post a Comment