Carter's 3rd Birthday

For the few of you that are following my blog, I am trying to play catch up.  My blogs are going to be out of order for the next few posts as I insert all the "stuff" that needs to be translated to words. 

On April 15, 2009, Arrie Keyon Carter was born.  I didn't know the little guy yet and I was home tending to my family that was comprised of a husband, 2 sons, 1 foster son, and 1 foster daughter.  I was busy and couldn't even imagine having another BOY!  But God has such a different plan for us.  On Friday, June 26, 2009, my foster daughter was reunited with her family.  Beau and I, although sad, were very relieved.  We thought this was an opportunity to relax and focus on our 3 boys.  That weekend was so nice, calm, and relaxing.  It was much needed.  However, Monday afternoon, on June 29, 2009, I received a call from our beloved Gordon  (foster child placement coordinator).   He had a 2 1/2 month old baby boy that needed placement.  I did not hesitate and said yes.  Of course.

 Now, I naturally fell in love with him instantly.  But my deep affection was nothing in comparison to Beau's bond with Carter.  (We called him Carter from the beginning because Arrie and Ollie sounded too close and was confusing William).  Beau loves all his boys greatly and has a special bond with each, but Carter struck a deep and penetrating place in Beau's heart.  Carter was very quickly looking for Beau during the day and listening for his voice.  He smiled every time Beau was near.  He preferred Beau's loving arms to my own.  Carter was the easiest baby I had ever been around.  He was good natured, easy to soothe, slept well, ate well, and was even good at entertaining himself.  We were all taken in by Carter.  He was much loved by his 3 brothers too.  Carter became "Will's baby", and Ollie even learned to be gentle with Carter.  After having 2 other little brothers, Zander was able to more confidently hold and feed Carter.  It even became natural to Zander.  Actually, I was very thankful for Zander's help during this time because I now had a 2 month old, an 18 month old, and a 2 year old.  Yikes!
Carter quickly became part of the family and it seemed he was chasing his older brothers around too soon.  After a long adoption process, Carter became ours shortly after he turned 2.

 
I am sitting here now looking at my 3 year old.  I am kind of sad because I know he is our last son and I will not have anymore little babies.  But I also cherish the fact that I am almost done with diapers.  I love this age because he is beginning to learn so many new things.  But that sweet, easy going baby has turned into a singing, mischievous, funny little boy.  He sings with such soul.  He gets into everything (with a smile on his face).  And we can already see such a funny sense of humor developing.  It's such a joy to watch him.  He does everything with such enthusiasm, all while walking on his tippy toes.  He makes funny faces that remind us of  Grover, which is now his new nickname.  I even say that when he sleeps, he looks guilty of something.  But then that sweet little thumb in his mouth, and the favorite corner of the pillowcase brushed up on his nose, and he is the little baby I remembered from the beginning. 

What a pleasure it is to be his mom and dad.  I sure do love you, Carter Ashton.  Happy Birthday!

Carter requested a green cake.  Where is Cami when you need her?

Daddy and Carter

The First Six Months Was Not What I Imagined

On July 22, 2011, the van lines pulled away from my house in Middleburg, FL with all of our belongings and I stood in an empty house excitedly and nervously anticipating the next chapter of my life. 

Although I was incredibly sad about leaving the only "real" home I knew, I was still impatiently ready to go.  I lived in the Orange Park/Middleburg area for 30 years.  I established the best relationships I have ever known, we loved our church family through Pathway and Hibernia, and we had such a huge support network.  Most importantly, my parents were here.  But, after spending nearly 9 long months separated from Beau and Zander, I could hardly wait to get on the road to to New Hampshire.  Those 9 months were not only lonely because I was missing two of my family members, but I was left behind to handle the emotional roller coaster of an adoption.  And trust me, it was a messy, eventful, life changing event.  Still a blessing, though. 

Now, although I was excited about New Hampshire and told myself I was ready to embrace the change, I was still completely taken back by my deeply penetrating sadness and loneliness.  I kept telling myself that I was open to new friendships.  I was certainly invited to enough things.  But between Beau's new job, the  long hours, Zander's busy school schedule, and the little boys chaos, I just didn't make it to any of the invites. 

I was such a mess during my first six months here in beautiful New Hampshire.  I was excited one minute and in the depths of despair the next (Anne of Green Gables reference....that's for you Cami).  I couldn't get my emotions under control.  I needed to be there to help support Beau so that he could more efficiently do his job.  I needed to be a strong mom so that I could be effective for my children.  But I was minimally holding myself together, and much less doing the above jobs.  I wrote one time on a Facebook status that I was missing my Florida friends.  I had a friend respond that she thought it would have been easier by now after all this time.  My first reaction to myself was that "I just moved here."  However, upon further reflection, I realized that I had been here for six whole months.  Half a year.  24+ weeks.  168 days.  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  What was wrong with me?  It was time to snap out of this ridiculous self-absorbed, pitiful state. 

After a lot of prayer, God covered me in His grace and mercy.  I forgave myself.  I stopped resenting my situation.  Beau made me promise that I would do everything I could to accept future invitations.  I am proud to report that since I made that promise to my smart husband I have joined the ladies bible study at my church, I have hung out with a couple of girlfriends, and have even had people over to the house.  We are now planning a near future cookout at the house and I am very excited about that. 

I think that Florida will always be home in my heart, but I am sincerely excited about future friendships, new memories, and raising my family in New Hampshire.  I hindsight, I wish that I had handled these past months with more graciousness and maturity, but I suppose how I handle the future roller coasters will have to count.