Living Godly

Living Godly means so many things to different people.  The way I interpret it means that living Godly affects every aspect of my life, from my thoughts, my actions, parenting, being a wife, how I handle our finances, how I react to someone who is different than me or with whom I disagree, and yes, even how I drive.  It means putting God first, above my family and myself.  When God is first, then everything else seems to fall into the right places.  Even though I strive to place God on top, I mess up in every one of these categories, probably daily.  But one of these areas in my life rises to the top of the "I did it wrong" list more often than anything else.  I have always had a bad relationship with money.  From the time I had my first job at 17 and even until recent years, I have a history of spending every dime I had available.  That wasn't much of a problem when Beau and I both worked, had one child, and a modest home. 

When Beau and I were both working, enjoyed having job security, and replenishing income, it became easy to slip into a feeling of self-provision and being a self-made person. It also became easy to lose appreciation for all the things that God had provided. 

We are called to be fiscally responsible, stewards of our money, live without debt, go without at times, and rely on God's provision.  After all, everything that we have is ultimately given to us by God and it is our responsibility to care for all that which has been given.  Don't we cherish gifts given to us by our spouses or children?  God's gifts to us should be cherished as well.  Wouldn't things be a little better if we all had the mindset that less is more and more is waste?  Perhaps!

 A little over 6 years ago, God started working hard on my faith and obedience.  Changes were coming, but I was resisting.  We had just bought another house, the house where we were planning on growing our family through private adoption.  We were both working, enjoying a very comfortable lifestyle, and just after we closed on the house (literally within days of the closing), Beau came to me and said the he was feeling led to assist me in becoming a stay at home mom.  WHAT?  I was in no way open to this suggestion because I loved my job (most of the time).  But it was a very stressful and very busy business and one that often took me away from my family on weekends and evenings.  But God knows me.  He knew he needed to change Beau's heart first so that Beau could in turn help me.  God knows my stubborn streak, my defiance, my all too often closed mind.  Apparently I was so closed minded about this change that Beau had hinted at it many times prior but I completely dismissed the idea.  I didn't even have any recollection of his hints.  My mind was focused on my career, Zander, and working on all the paperwork to get us to that adoption.  All the while, spending money on the new house, buying new clothes so that I was dressed appropriately for my job (which of course included new jewelry to match the outfits), and eating out all the time because naturally I was often too tired to cook after work (not to mention my culinary skills were severely lacking).  My jewelry fetish became so bad that I would often times buy jewelry that caught my eye and then have to go buy an outfit to match it.  Ridiculous? 

But after a lot of prayer, trust, and obedience, I began to see the need for me to stay home.  I didn't have the luxury of staying home when Zander was born, but I was becoming very excited at the idea of staying home with our new addition to be.  This reduction in income was our first major leap of faith and lifestyle change.  It now meant that we had a new house with a large mortgage payment and now on only one income.  I had to learn to cook because eating out all the time was not an option.  Clipping coupons and shopping sales became priority.  Trips to Disney and buying things for fun would be extremely limited from now on.  But I was happy and embraced this change.....at first.  However, I still had occasional "retail therapy" sessions and I convinced myself that I still NEEDED many things that I didn't really need.  So, I was still buying in surplus and spending more money than necessary.  But we were able to remain mostly debt free during this time. 

I loved my home.  It was the place where we were called to foster.  Between our private adoption and state adoptions, our family grew by 3 children in this home.  I always believed that God blessed us and our home because of our obedience to Him regarding our call to foster.  Even though we were living on one income during this time, we always managed to have everything we needed. 

Then the next big change occurred and this was a hard lesson.  Beau and Zander moved to New Hampshire and I stayed behind in Florida for nearly 9 months to complete our final adoption.  It was during this time that our expenses more than doubled.  We had 2 homes, 2 sets of utilities, and 2 households to provide food.  Beau and Zander ate out frequently, the propane bill to heat the house in New Hampshire was astronomical, and I did a lot of damage to our budget in Florida.  I began shopping ALOT.  It made me feel just a little bit better.....for a moment, until the guilt set in.  When that happiness left me, I was back in the stores spending money that I didn't have.  By the time our 9 months were over, Beau and I (mostly me) had put us deep in debt with no ability to pay it off. 

Over the last year, Beau and I had serious "coming to terms" lifestyle change.  We cut back more than we have ever done so previously, we are living on a strict budget, I haven't even set foot inside of a clothing store (to shop for myself) in 6 months.  I have managed to purchase things for my children without finding that "oh such a cute outfit" for me.  I don't even allow myself the indulgence to glance at the women's clothing and jewelry.  And guess what?  I am still alive!!!

I say all these things, which probably seem like I am droning on and on, to come to my point.  I can truly say that I appreciate where I am and what I have.  We came to a place recently where we decided that we needed to make New Hampshire feel like our permanent home and actually buy a house.  We live in a town where property values are high, population is low, and schools are excellent.  We are thankful for the last two.  We were used to living in a larger home in Florida and had occupied every single square foot of that property.  I like things to be spread out, no clutter, and clean and organized.  For the past 2 years, we have felt cramped and cluttered.  Although much of our stuff is still in the basement, I have felt confined.  We had been looking online for the last year or more at properties for sale.  We knew we couldn't replace our home in Florida with one here, but we needed to find a decent property that we could afford.  But looking at the property values online and seeing what little we got for the money, I was becoming discouraged.  I had come to the conclusion that we would only be able to afford a very modest property that would require a lot of work make it habitable.  I was accepting this reality, but all the while, praying like crazy for God to direct us, show us, and make that ONE special property available for us.  With some outside assistance from family, a major reduction in our debt, a continued strict budget, we were able to get qualified for a new mortgage (all while continuing to rent out our house in Florida at a small loss).  We were told that what we qualified for was the the bottom tier of Hollis housing, meaning, our dollar wasn't going to buy us very much.  I was at peace with that because I knew how important it was to be a homeowner again and to keep the kids, especially Oliver, in the same school district so they could flourish. 

There were literally only a handful of properties available, with air conditioning, in our price range to look at.  We looked at 3 homes and when we came to the last home, Beau and I gasped in excitement.  There may have been a few tears on my part because as I viewed this property, I was able to envision our family living very comfortably in this home.  We were looking at a home that was almost the same size as our home in Florida.  My heart fluttered with excitement.  We have owned several homes previously, and although I was thankful for each of them, never did I have THIS feeling.  It was a sincere feeling of gratitude for our God.  In His infinite wisdom, He knew the perfect house for us and made it available just when we needed it.  I know His plan is far greater than mine, so I don't know why I always go to a place of doubt and worry first before I trust Him.  And doesn't the Bible say,

Ephesians 3:20

" Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us"

 

 

Now, we pack, organize, get rid of lots of things, think about decorating, painting, and all the fun stuff you get to do when moving into a new home.  I understand now that living UNDER our means has much more value than having STUFF.  I realize that the decorating of the new home will be a long process because unless we can pay for it in cash, we simply don't need it.  I am excited and anxious.  But mostly, I rest in God for He provides and His timing is perfect. 

 

 

Our New Home to Be
 

 

 

Zander's Birthday

This week, Zander and his entire 8th grade class went to Washington DC for a week long trip.  They visited the Kennedy Center, The National Monument, saw a play, the National Cemetary, walked down Pennsyvlanvia Ave, and enjoyed a dance party on the boat.  It was during this trip that Zander turned 14. 

This is such a difficult age as Zander struggles between being a man and a child.  I get to see glimpses of both.  We see moments of maturity, moments of good decision making, times of planning for his future.  Although these times may be fleeting, I cling to these moments in hope that they will become lasting. 

This past year, I have watched Zander grow several inches taller, eat enough food for a small army at one sitting and then ask for dessert, turn into a much more social being, begin to have more opinions about everything, have more of a global awareness; and yet, still believes that at times, the world revolves around him.....all the makings of a teenager.   The moments spent in deep conversation with him varies, but when they do occur, I seize them.  It is so important to have regular dialog with your children, but as they grow older, it seems to be harder to do. 

With our family dynamics, it is sometimes hard to have meaningful time with each child.  However, Zander and I do enjoy going out together...just the two of us.  He and I always have a good time and we genuinely like each other's company.  In between the laughter and silliness, I hear his confessions, fears, failures, desires, hopes, and dreams.  I truly cherish these times. 

I pray that God continues to work in Zander's heart.  I know God has a big plan for Zander and I will wait patiently until it is revealed.  Love you son. 

What a week I'm having....and it's only Wednesday

I'm sure you have had one of those weeks.....one where from one day to the next, it just keeps getting worse.  You think to yourself, tomorrow just HAS to be better, but then it's not.  Well, my week is shaping up the same way.  My troubles started last Thursday and we're still cruising along with a quick momentum into "Badsville". 

 I have a certain teenager who decided on Sunday to have a negative attitude and claim that he really didn't want to have to put too much effort into things because he "didn't feel like it."  So, as a result, Beau took good care of that attitude and, viola, my house became clean at the hand of that teenager.  Although the result was pleasing to me, the events that led up to that were not.  Now, I will say that this was an unusual behavior for Zander, so I am hoping this was a temporary moment of teenagerism. 

We are in the process of packing, painting, and getting things ready for a garage sale.  Beau is working late almost every single night.  As a result, my house looks like a tornado has come through.  For a girl that likes things neat and tidy and for a certain 5 year old boy who needs things to be consistent and orderly, this is causing serious havoc on our senses.  Oliver is excited about moving and has finally seen the inside of our new house to be, however, the change and the disruption to our normal lives is creating an atmosphere that he is not comfortable in.  His frustration is brewing, his patience is ceasing, and his anger is erupting.  In an effort to include him, I asked for him to decorate all the boxes as I pack them.  That entertained him for a moment, but no longer has the effect I was looking for.  At school, he has been unable to control his outbursts.  The littlest of setbacks causes him great discomfort.  As a result, we have had some very tension filled drop offs and pick ups at school over the last week.  I mean, kicking, screaming, thrashing, crying moments (not all of them from me :) )  His sensory issues have become heightened and so yesterday, he decided that he WOULD NOT wear his snow pants to play outside during recess.  So the teachers, indulging him, allowed him to go outside, but only on the pavement.  He was fine with that, but played in the puddles instead.  Picture this.....wet pants, 30 degree weather, small breeze.....he was frozen.  Oliver proceeded to get into my vehicle (because recess is the last thing they do at the end of the day before parents pick up their children), strip down to his underwear, and get into his car seat.  All of this while screaming, shivering, shaking the car, and melting down.  As bad as this sounds, the morning was even worse when it was time to drop him off at school.  That meltdown was all over a hat.  Completely ludicrous...but apparently very important to Oliver.  Sunday, at church, he had a complete meltdown during service because I handed him a purple crayon instead of a green one.  That incident led to us leaving during the middle of service.  Typically I have much mercy and compassion for his sensory issues, his need for things to be a certain way, his desire to fixate on things, but this past week has been difficult to embrace his "behaviors".  The ironic point to all of this is that the main purpose we are moving to Hollis is so that we can keep Oliver in the same school so that he won't have any interruption as he enters Kindergarten. 

My youngest child is currently going through a clothing fetish.  He has found great pleasure in changing his clothes multiple times during the day, only to place his previous clothes in the dirty clothes hamper.  My laundry is piling up exponentially.  Carter has also developed a very talented habit of beat boxing.  It was cute the first 100 times, but now, I find it generally annoying.  It's hard to concentrate or to have a conversation on the phone as Carter dances by making these unusual sounds from his mouth and shaking his booty.  But, at least he is happy!!!

But last night was the clencher.  We were out late, which is highly abnormal for our family on a school night.  Beau worked late, and then we went out to dinner.  He just knew that I had a bad day and was mentally and physically drained.  So he offered to take us to dinner, even though that's against our current budget.  He's good like that.  Dinner went surprisingly well and the kids were very well behaved.  Afterwards, I slipped into the grocery store to get a few staples.  On the way home, Carter fell asleep.  I woke him up, because goodness knows, I can't lift HIS dead weight.  He was clearly groggy and disoriented.  I told him to put his shoes up and as I was carrying in groceries, I heard the one thing that all parents never want to hear.  William said, "Ooooh, yuck."  I looked at William's face, saw his nose scrunched up in disgust and his lips forming a shape of disbelief.  I immediately found the source of Will's disgust.  Carter had proceeded to pull out his shoe drawer in the bench and pee in it.  He though he was at the toilet.  The only appropriate response I had at this time was to laugh hysterically.  You know the kind of laugh I am talking about.  One where I had become insanely outdone, worn out, hit a wall, overwhelmed, and flat out tired.  The kind of laugh of surrender and the kind of laugh that allowed me to get out all of the previous days' frustration.  It was quite cleansing.  The harder I laughed, the harder Will just stared at me.  He was expecting me to jump in immediately and correct the situation as I normally would.  But I couldn't.  I found humor in this because I had been too stressed for too long. 

I sincerely hope today is a better day.