Moments of clarity. Calmness in the house. Productive play time. Conversations that included two way communication. Willingness to obey. Genuine smiles. Ability to sit down for an entire meal. Giggles. Volume control. Manners. Snuggle time.
These are all things that were missing from our family for a very long time.....until this week. I have gone on for so long dealing with "abnormal" and "stressful" family life that I began to believe the chaos was normal. I had forgotten what happy family life felt like. It was a distant memory that I found myself daydreaming about. Oh sure, we had moments of fun and normal. We had glimpses of happiness. There were days when things went well. I know every family has moments of chaos and problems, but these were consistent in our home. Beneath the clean and organized appearance, there was a constant tornado brewing.
But then, then, we finally decided that with all our efforts, nothing was helping the situation. As mentioned in my previous blog, Beau and I finally decided to take the plunge and seek a medicine therapy for Oliver. The psychiatrist added another diagnosis to Oliver's current state. ADHD. The dreaded ADHD. The overused and over medicated diagnosis. In a one hour session with the doctor, he was able to sum up very quickly the root of Oliver's problems......ADHD. Oliver was literally standing on top of a chair, reaching for the ceiling trying to pull down the attic access, touching the man's beard, pulling out the desk drawers, messing with the computer, and bouncing from one side of the room to the other. I was trying to control the situation, but the doc insisted that I allow Oliver to do as he will so that he could be observed. I wanted to crawl in the corner and hide, but I suppose the doctor needed to see just how out of control Oliver can become. He said that within the first five minutes of the appointment he knew that Oliver was "classic textbook ADHD". Part of me felt relieved because that meant I wasn't crazy or had the title of "Worst Parent of the Year". It meant that just maybe I was working an uphill battle in a snow storm. Just possibly I wasn't as bad as I thought and maybe even somewhat defeated before I began. I am not patting myself on the back, but there was actually a sigh of relief on my part as I began to see hope......medicine. The doctor said that medication would change Ollie's complete outlook. Not his personality, just his ability to control himself. He would still be Ollie, just better. The doctor, of course, advised that this could be a long journey as we seek to find the correct medication and the right dosage. I prayed desperately that he would be wrong and that somehow by God's grace we would find the right one the first time.
I left the doctor's office with a prescription in hand and a new outlook. The first dose was given to Ollie the next morning. The first several hours seemed unchanged. We were told that we would see an almost immediate change. Beau and I were a little sad because we thought we would have to give Ollie a higher dose the next day (as per the doc's advise). Beau and I took Ollie to school with our fingers crossed that everything would continue to be ok. We went to lunch, did some Christmas shopping. Oliver was of course the topic of our conversations but we were hopeful. When we arrived home, I had a message from the school nurse. I immediately had an uneasy stomach. I called her back only to find out that Oliver was non-stop talk, literally bouncing around the room, and on super speed. It was Oliver times 1000!!! By the time he got home, he was so sick with a headache and nausea. Beau and I cuddled with him in our bed for about 45 minutes until the Motrin took affect. I was discouraged. We knew that we would have to try a lesser dosage tomorrow and that this medication may not work at all. But then, when Ollie's headache was gone, he sat up and told me in great detail about his day. He spoke calmly, clearly, enthusiastically, and with volume control. Was this a moment of clarity? Was this the medicine? Is this what I can expect in the future? Wow, I was in tears. We had a conversation where he actually LISTENED to me. Unbelievable.
The next day we administered a half dose and we saw a complete transformation. He played with his brothers and there was no fighting. He played with Legos for hours and never became frustrated. He "visited" me to give me hugs. He offered to help me clean the dishes. We have had meals at the table with out Oliver fleeing. Oliver is TALKING to me now about his day. He has been giggling with pure joy and happiness. What!? This can't be my Ollie, but maybe it is. He has been on this half dose for a week now and we have a completely different little guy. He still gets enthusiastic, but it is mostly controlled. Of course, as I am writing this, he and Carter and pretending to be dinosaurs and are chasing each other around the playroom. Oliver still gets a little frustrated with his winter/snow clothes, but there is no longer a complete meltdown. Oliver still has some anxiety, but he is finally talking to me about his fears. So, it's Oliver, but better.
I was driving home after picking up Oliver school and out of no where, he said that he had "magic medicine." I asked him what he meant and he his response was just this, "When I used to be wild, now I am calm. When I used to dance around, I now sit and eat. Now I am being good at school and I like it." My heart rejoiced. I was amazed that HE could see a difference. Maybe this was just a little way to show me that Beau and I had made the right decision.
For those of you that have prayed on our behalf, thank you. I know that this will not be the last medicine he will be on and I know that we will have many future trials and errors, but for now, we have normal. And I am thrilled.
