Beau warned me not to make statements like, "I don't want any more children", or "I am so glad our family is complete", or "I am done." In 2008, God called our family to foster children. That took a leap of faith to make that decision. However, it was that decision that led to the adoption of Oliver and Carter and for that, I am very thankful. Beau and I prayed over and wrestled with that decision for months. Honestly, it was me holding up our decision. If you want the history of that time in our lives, you can read Our Beginning Foster Story.
When you foster, you are agreeing to take in someone else's child and love them as your own. You also agree to treat them as your own, knowing full well, that one day that child that you have come to love may leave and return to their biological family. In the 3 years that our family fostered, we only had 3 children come into our home: 2 boys and 1 girl. The girl was returned to her biological family after only being with us for 4 months. However, the boys, Oliver and Carter, became ours after long and emotional struggles that finally led to an adoption. But, they were babies and essentially I was more comfortable with that because we could help mold them into happy little boys. Babies for some reason didn't scare me. Although they both had their own baggage, if you will, to deal with, I felt that I had more time to help them heal the damage. Babies didn't come with their own "set ways" and "habits" yet. I could not have been more wrong about that, by the way. We are still dealing with leftover issues as a result of their history and background.
In January, things in the Bennett household were becoming easier and more calm. Oliver was responding well to his meds, school was going well for all 4, we were feeling settled into our new home, Beau was blessed with a nice raise, and in general, we were enjoying a quality family life. But then, we get a phone call from Carter's former guardian ad litem. Doesn't God just work that way? Always stretching, always providing ways for us to know that we NEED Him? The GAL informed us that Carter had an 11 year old biological brother that needed a home. We were presented with this decision almost 2 years ago, but at that time, we didn't feel that we were in any position to take in Carter's brother. Between Oliver spiraling out of control, Beau's job didn't feel secure yet, we didn't own a home in NH, we just couldn't justify an additional child. And quite frankly, we were scared. It is easy to come up with excuses when you are fearful. Clearly God wasn't done with us though because here was this situation all over again. But this time, He changed our circumstances. We didn't have the same arguments as before. He removed our ability to easily find excuses. Rather, this time He cleared the path. Beau and I agonized over this and prayed fervently for God to show us if and how to proceed. The GAL helped ease us into this by offering to host skype sessions with him (we'll just call him Mr. A for now). We skyped with Mr. A just a couple of times and we could clearly see that the sessions went well and were smooth. The next step was to fly to Florida and meet Mr. A in person. Up until this point, however, I was simply being obedient to our call. I was looking for red flags, hoping that God would call this whole thing off, perhaps work some other miracle for Mr. A that didn't include us. There are far more qualified parents than me and Beau out there that could help him. I was convinced that we were not a good choice as we have a very busy and often times chaotic home. I was scared, doubtful, and wanting to remain in my comfort zone. I wanted good things for Mr. A and I wanted him to receive help, but I just didn't want to mess with my newly found "easy" life. I went to Florida praying that God would provide me with peace and a clear knowledge of His plan for us.
Beau and I had dinner with Mr. A our first night in Florida. It was just the three of us and it went very smoothly. In fact, he opened up quite a bit about himself. He freely talked about his "issues" and showed genuine remorse for some of his recent bad decisions. Beau and I talked about grace and how we love our children even when they make bad decisions. He spoke lovingly of his birth mother. Oh, how he misses her. But God worked that out too. Back when we celebrated Carter's 1st birthday, we invited his mom to join us. We took lots of pictures and I gave her a set. At that time, we weren't sure where Carter would end up, so we wanted to bond with his birthmother as much as we could. We wanted there to be a nice relationship and we didn't want her to miss out on such a sweet milestone in Car's life. Well, anyway, she showed Mr. A those pictures of the party, which included pictures of Beau and I. Apparently, she spoke very lovingly about us to Mr. A. Those words stuck with him and he was able to have a sense of warmth in his heart towards us. That was God working already 4 years ago. I get chill bumps everytime I have a God moment. I know He works in this way, but to realize it feels like the first time each time. It is just another sign that we were proceeding as He designed for us.
During dinner, Beau was completely open with Mr. A. Beau told him that we would like to be his forever family, but that Mr. A had to make that choice for himself. Mr. A was certainly big enough and old enough to decide for himself and that we would never try to force this transistion on him. Mr. A was very concerned about moving to the cold weather and was worried that he didn't have the property clothing. Beau was so loving with Mr. A and assured him that we would provide adequate snow gear. We talked about Carter and their biological relationship. By the end of the night though, Mr. A was still kind of undecided. We would tell he wanted to come, but was scared.
The next afternoon, we met Mr. A at a public park. All 5 boys were doing well, but were playing independently of one another. But then a storm came, so we all piled in the van and drove to Dairy Queen. Then it happened. The thing we were most fearful of. Oliver's reaction and response to Mr. A. Once Ollie realized that Mr. A was riding with us, he responded negatively. He said, "Why is HE in our car?" Beau patiently explained that Mr. A was our friend and that we were spending time getting to know him. Of course Ollie didn't like that and said "I don't want him in here." Quickly, Zander tried to recover the situation and prevent any hurt feelings by changing the subject and asking what everyone wanted at Dairy Queen. When we got out of the van, Ollie had clearly changed his mind about Mr. A and was begging to sit next to him inside the ice cream shop. Mr. A was confused by this sudden change of affection and asked me about it. I responsed with, "Well, obviously Ollie likes you now. And if Ollie likes you, then you must be good." Thankfully Mr. A was good with that. Whew.
Inside Dairy Queen, with all 5 kids, things went extremely well. They all 5 interacted well together-surprisingly. Then Mr. A spotted a coin machine. You know the ones where you drop in a coin and watch it spin. Well, Mr. A asked for a penny and so I gave him my entire change purse. All 5 boys were glued to the contraption as they joyfully watched their coins spin. Then, my God moment hit again. I looked over at 5 smiling boys playing nicely with one another and just KNEW in my heart that we were meant to be a family of 7. An overwhelming sense of peace and excitment fell over me and I just KNEW.
After we took him home, I gave him a picture of our boys and we hugged him goodbye. Beau told him that the ball was in his court and that he needed to decide how to proceed. The next morning, we got a phone call from the guardian ad litem and she told us that Mr. A's foster parents were amazed by his transformation and how excited and happy he appeared. He came in that evening after our Dairy Queen visit and cleaned his room like he had never done before. He announced to his foster family that he was moving to NH after school let out. All of this change just because we told him we cared and we wanted to invest in him. Amazing!!!
Once Mr. A was back in the house with his foster family, Beau had a talk with the boys. Before he could even finish the conversation about the possible addition to our family, Ollie yelled out in excitement. The one that we were most concerned about was the first one to show enthusiasm for another brother. God moment. Yes, I think so.
He requested one final meeting with us before we went back to NH. I wasn't able to come, but Beau and the boys met again at a park. It was for only an hour, but even the guardian ad litem was amazed to see the developing bond that was already ocurring. I know once he moves here, things will not always be this easy. I know that he will test the waters, test our authority, perhaps resent being away from Florida, maybe fight with his brothers, etc. But when these times happen, I will rest in the knowledge that I KNOW God put this together and we were meant to be a family.
In the mean time, Beau and I have a ton of things to prepare for his arrival. Another home study, building an additional room, buying a van, and organizing the basement. God is good and our whole family is very excited of what is to come. However, I will be sure not to tell God that I am done ever again. We wouldn't want to tempt him. LOL.
