Am I raising children, or bouncy balls?

I once read in a blog one time about a mother raising her 3 boys. In a particular entry, the stated that she sometimes felt like she didn't have little boys, but rather, bouncy balls. I laughed at first, but soon realized that is exactly how I feel most of the time being around my 4 boys. You know, just picture it. What happens if you were to drop 4 bouncy balls to the floor? They bounce in every direction, with no control whatsoever. The balls run into and potentially break anything in it's path. Exactly the perfect description for my 4 active, busy boys.

I am an only child and I once believed that was a sad and lonely way to be raised. Then I married Beau and it was so exciting because he had 5 younger brothers. I immediately started envisioning how my holidays and family get togethers would be like from then on. It would be a joyous time for family to sit around and reminisce, play games, and make new memories. What I failed to understand that eventhough all 6 Bennett brothers had the same parents, each boy was significantly different. And boys play differently than girls. Remember the bouncy balls? They fight, they pick at each other, they wrestle, they compete, they brag, and they joke around...ruthlessly. It didn't take me long to see that these family gatherings were going to fall short of my plans, and I would leave each time with a migraine from the noise and sensory overload.

I used to tease my sweet, beloved mother in law, Becki that I would NEVER have a house full of boys. Beau and I had always thought we would be happy with 2, maybe 3 children. I wanted girls and Beau swore he could only conceive boys. Either way, I figured I would have at least one girl. I used to almost pity Becki because of the constant rucous at the Bennett home. I used to not understand how the house could become so messy and beat up. I mean, seriously, all it took was a little organization and daily clean up to keep the house in order. I would never let things get out of control if I was the mother of a bunch of boys. This coming for a girl who had NO children yet. It's always easy to fix other people's problems, isn't it?

Well, Beau and I have been married for 13+ years and we are now the lucky parents of 4, yes, 4 boys. I know Becki is laughing from beyond the grave. And I deserve it too. Boys are noisy. Boys play rough. Boys are incredibly inquisitive. Boys are very independent. Boys like to "figure" things out. Boys like to "fix" things. Boys like to take things apart so that they can "figure them out and fix them". Needless to say, there is NEVER a dull moment in our home. There are some days that I am ready to pull my hair out. Days where I just want to hide so that I can have some quiet time to finish my thoughts. There are even days when I would like to drive my kids 20 miles away, drop them off, and speed home hoping they would never find their way back. Although, I know Oliver would definitely find him way home. His sense of direction is amazing.

But then moments like last night occur making being a mommy of 4 boys awesome. Will and Ollie had a hard time going to sleep and so they were up giggling and talking. For the first time ever, I simply ignored them. I was curious to see what they would do if left unattended. After about 30 minutes of "controlled" goofing around, they fell asleep together in the same bed holding hands.

I may have been an only child where my home was quiet, controlled, organized, clean, and non-chaotic. Although those are all great things, I will never have the memories of falling asleep with my sibling holding hands, or staying up late giggling, or learning how to share at such a young age, or having a best friend and worst enemy all wrapped up into one person, or having someone else to blame for the broken lamp in the house.

So, I guess, if I am going to raise 4 bouncy balls, I am thankful for the ones I have.

A Brand New Commitment

Well, obviously I haven't written in over a year. But, with the inspiration from a dear friend, Cami, I have decided to rededicate my attention to keeping up a blog. After all, there is just so much that happens in our home on a daily basis, I could never remember it all. I am sitting here at the desk typing this as Oliver is "flying" his Buzz Lightyear action figure around my head and very excitedly yelling "To Infinity and Beyond". So, it is very difficult to concentrate, but, I will get through this post. Smile, breathe, and keep typing.....

Our family has seen so many changes in recent months and although I know that these changes mean awesome things for our family, I am still trying to find the ability to appreciate them. It is truly a struggle daily to remember good in all of this. You see, several months ago, Beau got a call from a potential employer in Nevada. It was Zander's 2nd day of 6th grade at Orange Park Elementary when he received the call. And eventhough I desired a change for both Beau and our family, partly because I knew how unhappy he was at work, and partly because I desired a change for reasons I didn't understand, I was scared. I couldn't even imagine living in Nevada. But, being the supportive wife, I told Beau I trusted him. So, he and I took a trip to Nevada for 7 days. We told ourselves that regardless of the outcome, we were just so excited to have a few days alone. Really, a vacation in a sense.

Before we left for Nevada, I encouraged Beau (without being nagging hopefully) to put his resume in elsewhere. You know, testing the waters and see if any other offers presented themselves. There was a company in New Hampshire that he had desired to apply for almost a year prior, but he didn't. The timing wasn't right and God wasn't leading him in that direction. Well, he went to their website once again and there was no job position available, but with God and my support, he put in his resume. But we didn't hear back. And so, we considered it a lost cause. We went to Nevada, enjoyed our time there, and Beau was offered a job. I was excited for Beau because it was the boost he needed and he was excited because of the possibilities of working with Ben and Dan. However, the numbers just didn't work. He tried in every way to make the money fit our needs but all the doors were being slammed shut. And believe me, if there was a way to make it work, Beau would have found it. Apparently, however, while we were in Nevada, the New Hampshire company emailed us and wanted to meet Beau. Now, they didn't have a job posted, but they said that they actually created a position for Beau and forwarded him a job description. How cool is that? So, off Beau went to interview for this job. Now, what was even more cool about all of this is that Beau had asked me months prior if I could live anywhere in the US, where would it be? I responded with NC or New England. Well, NH was definitely New England. Anyway, the company in NH offered Beau a job. Not just a job, but an offer that he literally could not refuse. We didn't even negotiate the offer because they were that generous. Yeah for Beau.

Once Beau accepted the job in NH, after much prayer, crunching numbers on paper, and discussion with the family, the doors flew open making everything possible. We know all of that was a God thing. So, on November 12, 2010, Beau drove to New Hampshire to start his new job on November 15. He left me and the 4 boys behind for the sole purpose of hopefully finalizing Carter's adoption. Today is March 14, 2011 and we are still apart. So, you see, I know that God is good and that it is a true blessing to have a great job in today's economy, but being apart is so hard. Being apart is testing my every bit of strength, patience, parenting abilities, and mercy. There are many days that I feel that I am failing miserably in all these areas and other days where I feel like I could conquer the world. I know that God puts us in these positions so that we will look to Him, but I sure wish I would learn whatever lesson He has for me soon.

I am truly thankful for the friends that I have surrounding me with their love, words of encouragement, ears to listen, and their constant redirection of me to my faith and truth from the Bible. I don't know WHEN this will all end, I don't even know for sure HOW this will end, but I do know that I have made it this far with God's hand and my family and friends.

Until next time..........

Reflection on 2009

Everyone is asleep and the house is so quiet. What a great time to focus on 2009. This past year has been such a pivitol year in our family. Beau and I have been tested in many ways, but each time, we still seem to find each other. We have grown stronger in our faith, our marriage, and in our parenting skills. We have had the opportunity to foster 3 children whom we have grown to love. Ambury, whom we have had for 18 months now and was our first foster child, is going to be a Bennett. Beau and I have chosen to rename him Oliver Reid. I never could have imagined previously that we would grow our family in this way....through the foster care program. Ollie and Will are so bonded and it amazes me that although they are not biologically related, they are brothers in every since of the word.

We also had the opportunity to foster a 3 year old little girl named Marlanna. She tested every parenting skill we had. I often feel that we could have done more for her. After 4 months with our family, she returned to her father. I still worry about her and pray for the best.

Just two days after Marlanna left our home, little Carter, 2 months old, joined us. We instantly fell in love with him (especially Beau). He is the sweetest, mild tempered baby I have every been around. It has been a total joy to care for him.

Each child has come to is with a difficult and messy past. It is hard sometimes to believe some of their family history. But with my gift of mercy and Beau's gift of teaching and leadership, we feel empowered through Christ to take care of these children. It has given us a deeper appreciation for our own situations.

But, through all the trials of fostering, Christ has put in our hearts a true joy and love for these children. I often find myself overwhelmed and questioning how we can continue to be a part of this program, but each day I am renewed. God renews me. With God, all things are possible. Thank you Lord.