Life Lessons

As parents, you teach your children all the basic moral lessons you can squeeze into just a short time.  When you first bring home that sweet bundle of joy, 18 years seems like a very long time.  Plenty of time to teach them all they need to know.  But now, we are in the teenage years.  I remember having a hard time being an early teen.  But I never imagined how hard it was going to be as a mother of a teenager  As they get older, the lessons become harder to teach.  Partly, because the lessons become more serious and partly because as they become teenagers your children apparently already know everything.  In any case, Bruce and I are feeling the pressures of knowing that we really only have Zander under our wings for a few more years.  Now I do realize that although I would like to think Zander is under my control, the truth is Zander belongs to God.  God is in control and no matter what I do as a mom, God has a special plan for Zander's life.  The thoughts of him moving away to attend college frighten me, especially if his current behaviors and habits are to be an indication of future performance. 

My son recently encountered an opportunity to be the "bigger person" in a difficult situation.  He and 3 other boys had a huge History project to work on that took about a month to complete.  One boy in particular had the knack of pushing all of Zander's buttons (and pushing the buttons of the other teammates) and became delighted in doing so. I would love to report that Zander took the high road and made the right decision. Sadly, that was not the case.


Now, Zander is quite an intelligent guy but he also comes with very hard set opinions about most things.  As his mother, I sat by just watching this situation brewing.  Bruce and I both talked to Zander daily about trying to see the other boy's perspective.  We talked about keeping his cool.  Showing kindness, mercy, and most of all tolerance.  After all, God made everybody different.  We are not called to necessarily LIKE everyone, but we are certainly called to LOVE them.  Or at the very least, find a way to get along. 
Naturally, I would have rather this situation not occured.  But it did and now I was faced with dealing with the consequences.  And so was Zander.    I know there is always a lesson in everything.  There will be trials and opportunites for growth.  I just didn't want this one.  After much talking and praying with Zander, restrictions made and priviledges removed, my apologies made to the child's mother, Bruce and I thought we were done.  But no.  Zander had not make the necessary apologies to the teammate.  Without getting into the long details of this situation, Zander simply did not handle himself in a manner that would please God.  Things like pride, stubborness, and intolerance became the emotions that fed Zander's behavior.  It is so hard to sit by and watch our children stumble in the same areas we did when we were young.  We want to protect our children.   But sometimes the only thing for a parent to do is to remain silent....for a time. 
At the conclusion of this project, Zander went up to the father and son and with a very sincere, heavy heart, he apologized.  The father came to me afterwards and praised Zander for his genuineness and acknowledged that Zander did this from his own repetence.  I know the lessons are going to be hard for Zander.  Afterall, he is my son.  I was an incredibly stubborn young lady and the only lessons I learned in life were always learned the hard way.

A dear friend told me that when she prays for her son, she no longer prays the same way she used to.  No longer does she simply pray for her son to make the right decisions or for him to do what is right.  Instead, she prays that God would convict her son so that he can remain right with God.  My friend is very smart and I too have begun praying that way.  Bruce and I are here to nurture, teach, love, discipline, and enjoy our children.  But it is HIS job to grab a hold of Zander's heart. 

So now, we wait for the next lesson in Zander's life and pray that he has grown from this experience.  I love Zander and I am proud of him. 

Carter's 3rd Birthday

For the few of you that are following my blog, I am trying to play catch up.  My blogs are going to be out of order for the next few posts as I insert all the "stuff" that needs to be translated to words. 

On April 15, 2009, Arrie Keyon Carter was born.  I didn't know the little guy yet and I was home tending to my family that was comprised of a husband, 2 sons, 1 foster son, and 1 foster daughter.  I was busy and couldn't even imagine having another BOY!  But God has such a different plan for us.  On Friday, June 26, 2009, my foster daughter was reunited with her family.  Beau and I, although sad, were very relieved.  We thought this was an opportunity to relax and focus on our 3 boys.  That weekend was so nice, calm, and relaxing.  It was much needed.  However, Monday afternoon, on June 29, 2009, I received a call from our beloved Gordon  (foster child placement coordinator).   He had a 2 1/2 month old baby boy that needed placement.  I did not hesitate and said yes.  Of course.

 Now, I naturally fell in love with him instantly.  But my deep affection was nothing in comparison to Beau's bond with Carter.  (We called him Carter from the beginning because Arrie and Ollie sounded too close and was confusing William).  Beau loves all his boys greatly and has a special bond with each, but Carter struck a deep and penetrating place in Beau's heart.  Carter was very quickly looking for Beau during the day and listening for his voice.  He smiled every time Beau was near.  He preferred Beau's loving arms to my own.  Carter was the easiest baby I had ever been around.  He was good natured, easy to soothe, slept well, ate well, and was even good at entertaining himself.  We were all taken in by Carter.  He was much loved by his 3 brothers too.  Carter became "Will's baby", and Ollie even learned to be gentle with Carter.  After having 2 other little brothers, Zander was able to more confidently hold and feed Carter.  It even became natural to Zander.  Actually, I was very thankful for Zander's help during this time because I now had a 2 month old, an 18 month old, and a 2 year old.  Yikes!
Carter quickly became part of the family and it seemed he was chasing his older brothers around too soon.  After a long adoption process, Carter became ours shortly after he turned 2.

 
I am sitting here now looking at my 3 year old.  I am kind of sad because I know he is our last son and I will not have anymore little babies.  But I also cherish the fact that I am almost done with diapers.  I love this age because he is beginning to learn so many new things.  But that sweet, easy going baby has turned into a singing, mischievous, funny little boy.  He sings with such soul.  He gets into everything (with a smile on his face).  And we can already see such a funny sense of humor developing.  It's such a joy to watch him.  He does everything with such enthusiasm, all while walking on his tippy toes.  He makes funny faces that remind us of  Grover, which is now his new nickname.  I even say that when he sleeps, he looks guilty of something.  But then that sweet little thumb in his mouth, and the favorite corner of the pillowcase brushed up on his nose, and he is the little baby I remembered from the beginning. 

What a pleasure it is to be his mom and dad.  I sure do love you, Carter Ashton.  Happy Birthday!

Carter requested a green cake.  Where is Cami when you need her?

Daddy and Carter

The First Six Months Was Not What I Imagined

On July 22, 2011, the van lines pulled away from my house in Middleburg, FL with all of our belongings and I stood in an empty house excitedly and nervously anticipating the next chapter of my life. 

Although I was incredibly sad about leaving the only "real" home I knew, I was still impatiently ready to go.  I lived in the Orange Park/Middleburg area for 30 years.  I established the best relationships I have ever known, we loved our church family through Pathway and Hibernia, and we had such a huge support network.  Most importantly, my parents were here.  But, after spending nearly 9 long months separated from Beau and Zander, I could hardly wait to get on the road to to New Hampshire.  Those 9 months were not only lonely because I was missing two of my family members, but I was left behind to handle the emotional roller coaster of an adoption.  And trust me, it was a messy, eventful, life changing event.  Still a blessing, though. 

Now, although I was excited about New Hampshire and told myself I was ready to embrace the change, I was still completely taken back by my deeply penetrating sadness and loneliness.  I kept telling myself that I was open to new friendships.  I was certainly invited to enough things.  But between Beau's new job, the  long hours, Zander's busy school schedule, and the little boys chaos, I just didn't make it to any of the invites. 

I was such a mess during my first six months here in beautiful New Hampshire.  I was excited one minute and in the depths of despair the next (Anne of Green Gables reference....that's for you Cami).  I couldn't get my emotions under control.  I needed to be there to help support Beau so that he could more efficiently do his job.  I needed to be a strong mom so that I could be effective for my children.  But I was minimally holding myself together, and much less doing the above jobs.  I wrote one time on a Facebook status that I was missing my Florida friends.  I had a friend respond that she thought it would have been easier by now after all this time.  My first reaction to myself was that "I just moved here."  However, upon further reflection, I realized that I had been here for six whole months.  Half a year.  24+ weeks.  168 days.  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  What was wrong with me?  It was time to snap out of this ridiculous self-absorbed, pitiful state. 

After a lot of prayer, God covered me in His grace and mercy.  I forgave myself.  I stopped resenting my situation.  Beau made me promise that I would do everything I could to accept future invitations.  I am proud to report that since I made that promise to my smart husband I have joined the ladies bible study at my church, I have hung out with a couple of girlfriends, and have even had people over to the house.  We are now planning a near future cookout at the house and I am very excited about that. 

I think that Florida will always be home in my heart, but I am sincerely excited about future friendships, new memories, and raising my family in New Hampshire.  I hindsight, I wish that I had handled these past months with more graciousness and maturity, but I suppose how I handle the future roller coasters will have to count. 

Zander's Trip to Florida

For Winter Break, Zander decided he wanted to go to Florida and spend his time with family and friends.  So, for a couple of months, Zander worked on extra chores (which I totally loved the extra help) and earned his airfare.  I am so thankful that he has a relationship with Nana and Pop.  Growing up, my grandmother lived so far away that I rarely ever saw her.  Same goes for my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  But Zander has always had a special relationship with his nana and pop.

In fact, when he was 6 weeks old I had to return to work.  The only way I could resume my work was knowing that he was in excellent hands during my absence.  My mom kept Zander until he was 2 years old.  She often got to experience some of his "first" milestones, but she tried to not tell me so that when I got to see the "first" things it seemed like it was my special moment with Zander.  I really appreciated that. 

Over the course of Zander's elementary years, he developed some very special relationships.  It was really neat because not only did Zander have awesome friends, but I dearly loved his friends' moms.  Zander's two best friends are Jarod and Joshua. 

Now, boys fight, and compete and certainly these three have had their share of both.  But, they have always come back together even stronger.  More like brothers, really.    

Thank you so much Nana and Pop for being such loving and supportive grandparents to Zander.  I know you are always in his corner.  Cami and Patty, thank you for making Zander a part of your family.  We love all of you guys and appreciate everything that you do. 

Zander is now a teenager....Oh My!!!

Holding Zander in our arms for the first time produced so many emotions all at once.  Of course the normal emotions that every first parent experiences were present.  Things like, where is the instuction manual?  Am I going to know what to do when he is sick?  How will I always protect him?  Will I be able to answer all his questions?  But with Zander, I had far more questions than an average first time parent would have.  Will he be able to hear when I sing to him?  Does he have a stomach?  How will he ever be able to play sports without thumbs?  How can Zander sign if he doesn't have thumbs?  Are his kidneys and heart functioning properly?  How long will he live?  But as the hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months, these questions soon became answered or no longer mattered. 

Beau and I excitedly celebrated Zander's first birthday. 

It was shortly prior to his 1st birthday that he was finally given a clean bill of health.  He could hear (with only a mild hearing loss), his kidneys (although one being undersized) were functional, his heart was completely normal.  And his thumbs?  Still missing, but we knew it was going to be ok.  It was at this time, that Beau and I started really getting excited about Zander's future.  We just had an unexplained peace about Zander and knew he would be celebrating many more birthdays.  He was truly our little miracle. 

Now he is 13.  With 13 comes a lot of unwanted things.  His voice sounds funny.  He has dark hairs above his lip.  He suddenly knows everything.  Beau and I aren't as smart as we once were.  We certainly are not as cool as we once thought we were.  Zander is doing a lot of changing now.  He is now as tall as me (I know that's not saying much), we can wear the same size shoes, and he is wearing adult sized clothes.  I almost do not recognize him anymore. 

But, one thing is still present that allows me to SEE him.  His heart.  I am so thankful for glimpses (even short ones) of his kind heart.  You see, Zander is exactly like me is a lot of ways.  That likeness creates a lot of "butting heads".  But then God reveals Zander's heart to me and I melt.  I see moments of kindness and genorsity.  I witness times of tenderness when Zander is reading a book to his brothers.  I see God working in him and through him.  I get to see "ah-ha" moments as he discovers something new about God. 

This past year has been especially hard on our family.  Zander celebrated his 12th birthday with just his dad in New Hampshire.  No friends.  No mom.  No brothers.  But through the trials and loneliness, Zander handled this time apart in a new area with much grace and maturity. 

Now, Beau and I have a new set of questions on Zander's 13th Birthday.  Will WE survive the next few years?  Will we have the wisdom and patience to handle situations WHEN they arise?  Has Zander learned anything we have taught him?  Will his conscience prevail?  Will he make good decisions?  Ugh, so overwhelming. 

We can only continue to pray for our first baby that God will protect him, grow him, challenge him, and most importantly, draw Zander closer to Himself.   Beau and I will love and embrace Zander every step of the way. 

I pray that Zander can learn to love himself as Christ loves him.  We sure do love you, son.

Oliver's 4th Birthday



August 7, 2008-Ollie's first day at the Bennett house

Beau and I, after months of parenting classes, home studies, and prepping the house for fostering, finally became licensed foster parents.  We were, of course, very excited and nervous.  Our first call was for a 6 1/2 month old baby boy.  I had 1 hour to prepare for this little man.  He needed a certain bottle type, certain formula, and a specific pacifier.  Will was napping at the time, so I called my dear friend Tina to purchase these items for me.  She so graciously picked up these things and delivered them to me.  Thank you so much Tina.  Since that day, we fell in love with our sweet Oliver.  He and William instantly bonded and were literally inseperable.  Ollie was crawling in no time and I think his motivation for doing so was to keep up with Will.  They played so well together and they provided much entertainment for our family. 



Ollie fit right in with our family and we couldn't imagine ourselves without him.  It was like he had just always been there.  He and William were perfect playmates and loving brothers (except for when they fought over toys or attention).  These two were partners in crime, the dynamic duo, but most of all BROTHERS. 

Going for one of our morning walks. 



At a park for a birthday party.

Snuggle time while watching a movie.

All bundled up before leaving for Church. 

Ollie has always been a tender-hearted, sensitive boy with a huge smile and bright eyes.  When he giggles, you know it's funny because he tends to be kind of a serious boy.  He notices every detail that is often missed by the rest of us.  Oliver teaches me many new things because he takes the time to SEE things where I frequently observe things in passing.  When I have one on one time with him, I am intriqued by his thinking and fond of his heart.  Oliver and I have always had a particularily special bond. 

For his 4th birthday, Oliver requested a chocolate cake with sprinkles.  So, I happily made another one of my pitifully ugly cakes.  I am thankful that they don't care about the appearance of their cakes yet.  I seriously need to learn how to do this.  Maybe SOMEBODY can teach me....Cami. 

Nana and Pop shipped a 2 seater car to New Hampshire for Ollie's gift.  Of course it had to be more than a 1 seater to help reduce the squabbling over turns.  Oliver likes to drive in circles, Will likes to drive quickly in a straight line while looking backwards, and Carter likes to ride as long as Will drives.  The car was a huge hit at our house.    Thank you Nana and Poppy.  Happy Birthday Oliver. 

Blowing out his candles. 

The Fog is Lifting

Well, it's been a while since my last blog. But so many things are happening, and I am happy to report, good things. The boys are beginning to settle in, Beau and I are finding a routine that works, and our family as a whole is feeling mostly calm again. Is is abundandly obvious that a good dose of family unity was needed. Beau is learning to balance work and family and I am learning to have a little more patience and acceptance. These things combined, and we are doing much better.

Will and Oliver began playing their first season of soccer in September. So that means we have 3 boys playing on 3 different leagues, at 3 different times, and in 3 different locations. This was a tricky feat since Beau and I only make up 2 people. But we managed and the boys enjoyed thier season. Will started off showing no interest in playing. In fact, his favorite part was eating snacks on the sidelines. But as we approach the end of the season, Will has started showing interest in the game (well, with a little bribery from Beau. The kid will do anything for Skittles!).

Oliver, with the exception of a couple of games, has showed serious interest in soccer and we are finding out that he is quite an athlete. That boy shows natural ability and skill on the soccer field and he is so much fun to watch. But the best part is that huge smile on his face as he kicks the ball with such determination. Ollie has a strong leg and an amazingly accurate aim.

Zander, of course, has played soccer since he was 4 years old. This season, he is playing on a league with kids aged 12 to 16. As you can imagine, there is a huge range in skill, size of the kids, and speed. But, I am proud to report that Zander has held his own.

He has dribbled that ball with such agility and precision, he has won out against some of the other older skilled boys on the team. Watching the kids play on this league is so exciting because of the athleticism on the field.

Oliver is finally potty trained. That was a huge feat because he can have a stubborn streak. But when he finally conquered #2 in the potty, which happened to be at a busy restaurant, Oliver came out of the restroom and announced to the entire restaurant that he "pooped in the potty". Strangely enough, I wasn't embarassed. I was so completely proud!!!

There is something quaint about small towns. They have some of the best little festivals and we sure have enjoyed each one of them. We are learning that it doesn't take the big fancy things to impress children. It's the simple things. Take picking out their own pumpkins for starters. We went to a real pumpkin patch recently. The people tending the farm handed us a pair of huge clippers. We actually got to cut our own pumpkin from the vine. Sure beats out the previous pumpkin picking we were used to that consisted of going to a local church and picking out one that was already cut, cleaned, and sitting nicely on a display. We then took the pumpkins home and painted them.

Each boy wanted a different color. My intention was to paint their footprints on each pumpkin and turn them into "friendly ghosts" but the boys lost thier interest soon after painting. They found that rolling down the hill in our front yard was far more fun. Boys!!!!

My best friend, Cami came and visited. Beau took some time off of work so that he could keep the kids and allowed she and I to go play for 4 days. I had an amazing time, but more importantly, I had some much needed girl time.

We are now talking about making this an annual trip!

Things are finally beginning to feel like a family again and we were becoming comfortable. Then, we had an unusual October New England snow storm which left us without power and running water for several days. The boys loved the snow. And surprisingly, Will, liked it the best. They are now pros at sledding down our hill. Our little Carter, we have found out, is a daredevil. We are going to have to watch that kid. We are now taking bets on who will be the first boy to visit the ER. I guess I better find out just where the hospital is located. Hmmm.

During this experience, we got some more bonding time with Beau. Beau was home from work, with no computer (so he couldn't work from home), so he got to give us his complete undivided attention for 5 whole days. It was awesome. We spent time with the kids just snuggling in front of the fireplace.

We talked. We played. We ate our dinners by candlelight. Thank you God for this time we all had together. However, I really thank God for our restored power and running water. I think I like electricity and flushing toilets.

Until next time.......