Our Crazy Life

Now that I am beginning to have some down time with all 4 boys in school full time this year, I have begun taking on little house projects.  Not difficult ones, just some organizing and  purging projects that allow me to de-clutter my house and mind.  It's nice having this time to myself.  I have the water fountain on right now that Beau bought me for one of our anniversaries (although I can't recall which one) and I can actually hear the water running.  I am watching the leaves fall from the beautifully colored trees from the window I am sitting near.  Chipmunks are scurrying about and squirrels are quickly gathering acorns before the winter hits.  My house is clean, my laundry is mostly caught up (which is almost unheard of since there are 6 of us and boys make the worst messes in clothes)!!! 

I began looking at my blog and realized that I have written very little the year.  It's not because we haven't had anything fun, sad, or God things to report.  Actually, on the contrary.  We have been so busy this year that we have barely had time to stop and enjoy things.  As the boys are getting older, they are busier.  Between school, homework, sports, cub scouts, birthday parties, and simply boys being boys, our down time has been extremely limited.  But I will now take a little time to summarize our family life over the last few months. 

Beau's brother, wife, and niece came to live with us for a few weeks in June.  During that time, construction began on our basement.  July, we had a visitor for a few weeks from Florida live with us and watching over him occupied our every second of the day.  August was busy trying to get the house in order from all the construction, moving around bedrooms, and having the kids home all summer.  This was a huge undertaking and took longer than it should have.  We also spent time in August getting all the school supplies and clothing ready for the new school year.

This summer we spent some time at the beach.  Although we knew the waters would be cold, we got to experience it first hand.  We learned that 3 out of the 4 boys LOVED the water, even though it was extremely frigid.  The 4th boy, Oliver, only slightly tolerated the sand and did manage to stick a toe in the water.  Beau, for the sake of the boys, dealt with the cold water.  I, on the other hand, enjoyed burying my feet in the sand and relaxing in my chair and watching the boys have fun.

We finally caught an Ollie smile

William and Carter were inseparable at the beach 

Oliver trying to gain the courage to touch the sand

Finally got him into the sand

William and Carter enjoying the sand together

Our visitor this summer

We found a little playground near the beach

During the summer, William turned 7.  Sometimes I look at him and can't believe how grown up he seems and other times, when his silliness comes out I remember quickly his age.  He has been a true joy in our family.  He can be quite the instigator and provoker, but when he's not doing this, he's such a love.

School started off well and everyone seems to be settling into their own routine.  Although the three little ones are not used to attending school for a full day until now, they have handled the transition fairly well.  Carter, however, takes a daily nap sprawled out on the office floor.  I do not understand why that is his preferred spot, but if the house becomes silent, you can almost guarantee you will find him sound asleep in "his" location.

Then the soccer season started up.  Zander is on 2 leagues this time, the high school JV team, and a local rec team.  Zander is finding that he is well equipped to play offense now where before he always felt comfortable playing defense.  But since Zander has some fancy footwork and possesses a quick and accurate kick on goal, he is showing his talent playing the "striker" position for the JV team.  Keeping up with his schedule is almost impossible.  William is playing soccer again this season and loves it.  He is quite good in defense and has also scored a few goals.  William is the kind of kid the coach can put anywhere and he will do his 110% best with a good attitude and with much determination.  Oliver opted to lay low this season and not play a sport, but he loves watching his brothers play.  Carter is also playing in two leagues as he is quite athletic.  He is playing on a local team that will hopefully transition to a traveling competitive team and he is also playing on a rec team.  He has scored many goals and it is obvious that he LOVES the sport.  However, he has decided that he would rather play football where he is "allowed to push".  Although he isn't pushing in soccer, he certainly plays aggressively as he leans into the other players.  This leaning is frowned upon in the younger leagues, but it is allowed in the upper leagues and will serve him well.

At the end of the school year in May, the school gave us a gift for each of our 3 little guys for one free horseback riding lesson.  Apparently a family in our school donated 3 coupons for horseback lessons and instructed the school to give it to whom they wanted.  As a staff, they felt that it would be a neat opportunity for my 3 boys.  I kept it a secret for 4 months because instructions were it had to be used between June-September.  Since our summer was so crazy, we used it at basically the last chance we could.  I would like to report that all boys LOVED the experience, but that was not the case.  They were all apprehensive, but Will went first.  He got to groom the horse which helped establish a relationship with him.  Once Will climbed on the horse, he had so much fun.  Then it was Ollie's turn.  After much coaxing and reassuring him, he decided he was not going to ride that horse unless he could ride with one of his brothers.  So we put Carter on next.  In true Carter fashion, he rode that horse with his huge grin.  Although initially Carter was frightened of the horse, he became comfortable very quickly.  We were able to talk Oliver into getting on the horse with Carter.  I truly believed that once he was on the horse, he would lighten up.  But, he did not.  He rode for a few minutes, but then wanted off.  At least he tried it and I am grateful he got the chance.

William and Oliver have decided to join cub scouts this year and Beau and I are thrilled.  This is such a fabulous program and nurtures the bond between dads and their sons.  What more fun can a boy have than camping, touring a battleship, learning to pitch a tent and tell stories around a bonfire.  Oh, and Beau will be their den leader.  Beau is an Eagle Scout and that is an honor not to be taken lightly.  Boys are taught so many life skills that will follow them forever.  I am excited to see Will and Ollie have this opportunity.

  Carter is patiently waiting until he is old enough to join.  He already knows the scout promise.  He memorized it while Will and Ollie were learning it.  It brings a smile to my face each time I hear them practice the promise. 

Now we are into the holiday season and my favorite time of year.  The temperatures are changing and the winter clothes are coming out of the spare closet.  Boots, scarves, hats...yippee!  Hot chocolate, pumpkin bread, chili!  Oh, it just doesn't get better than this. 

I have taken on a new role in my church and I have been so blessed to be a part of it.  I am co-teaching a women's bible study and it is quite an undertaking for me.  I have learned so much.  Back in the Spring, I had prayed for God to help me have the obedience and discipline to study the bible because unfortunately I was finding excuses to not be doing this on my own.  Shortly after this prayer, I was approached by the women's teaching leader to come along side her and help lead the study.  Although I was nervous about this, I knew it was exactly where God wanted me.  So, I accepted and it has been a true blessing.  I feel that I have grown in my knowledge and understanding and I love the ladies in our class.  I always walk away from our studies learning something new and in full admiration with these Godly women.  What a treasure they are. 

We had a wonderful Halloween and even had family to share in the memories.  Beau and I have missed our holidays in Florida because it was always a time where we opened our home and invited friends.  Such wonderful memories.  But this year, we shared our Halloween with Ben, Katie, and little Myla.  We are so fortunate to have family near again.  At the end of the evening, Ben and the boys made trades with their candy.  Ben is still a kid at heart and I enjoyed watching this.  Katie was a good sport and was willing to eat the only candy that nobody else wanted, Raisinetts.  Carter was Spider-man and Will was Darth Maul (it's a Star Wars character).  One of the criteria for being a Bennett is the love of Star Wars.  By marriage, I have had to grow a love for these movies too.  Oliver wanted to be Luigi for Halloween and insisted on having the "deluxe" costume that included the hat, mustache, fat suit, and gloves.  Ironically, though, these were the very pieces he took off within the first 5 minutes of wearing the suit due to his sensory issues.  We did manage one quick picture of him in his full costume.

Before Oliver managed to take the "deluxe" pieces off

William (Darth Maul), Ollie (Luigi), and Car (Spiderman)

Myla's first Halloween (she was only a week old last year).  Cutest dragon ever. 

Ben, Katie, and Myla

Ben "protecting" his stash

Ben making a trade with William

William is seriously contemplating the trade

Ben categorizing his goods

My little William got braces this week.  His beautiful grin is plagued with a mouthful of messy teeth.  He has a severe overbite and will have a long road of orthodontics ahead of him.  His orthodontist said William's orthodontic needs alone will pay for one of his children's college education.  Although the doc found that funny, I'm pretty sure I didn't even crack a smile.  I was too worried about the fact that my other 2 boys will need braces too.  Ugh.  Will, as always, was an excellent patient and the doc was amazed at his maturity.  William also had two teeth removed in preparation for his braces and he did so without the use of nitrous.  He's our brave little boy.  He couldn't wait to return to school this morning to show everyone his braces.  He's pretty proud of the fact that he is the only one in 1st grade with braces.  However, I am sure his excitement will wear off pretty quickly once he received his headgear.

Before

After

Proud Selfie

Beau's work is going well and because he had so much time saved up, he was able to take off every single Friday since the beginning of September.  His company is closed every other Friday anyway, so Beau was able to turn in his unused sick/personal/vacation hours so that he could take off the opposite Fridays.  It has been awesome having him around on these Fridays.  In the back of mind, I thought we would use some of those days to get some house projects completed.  However, he had different plans.  After all, these were his days off and he wanted to use them to catch up on 15 years of dates that we have missed since having children.  We really didn't do anything spectacular.  But when you are hanging out with your best friend, any time spent together is spectacular.  Some Fridays we ate out for breakfast, we took in several movies at the theater (and they weren't childrens movies), we ate out for lunch, we took naps, we ran errands, we did some Christmas shopping, but mostly, we connected.  It was just what we needed after having a significantly busy 2014.

Now, we are gearing up for Thanksgiving and a visit from my parents.  Can't wait.  Until next time....

Evolution of the School Year

As I was making my childrens' lunches this morning, filling up their water bottles, and preparing their snacks today for school, I had to chuckle.  I take extra effort to be sure their snacks and lunches are filled with lots of healthy choices, high protein, low sugary items.  I cut up the yummy watermelon, peel the cucumbers, wash the tomatoes, and lovingly pack everything away into their neat and tidy backpacks.  I package their spoons and forks into their napkins and draw a smiley face on it.  I make a hot breakfast each morning catered to each child's preferences.  I wake extra early so that I can shower and get dressed only to arrive at the school looking "ready for the day".  We are always within the first 5 cars at the school because we arrive early rather than late.  On three occasions, we have been the 2nd car in line.  That mom with the white Kia keeps beating me for the 1st position.  She must get up even earlier than I do.  I will be first one day :)  I am sneakily competitive that way.  My van is clean and free of any garbage or toys.  It is freshly vacuumed.  The three littles hop out of the van and enthusiastically skip through the door to enter their classroom.  I drive away happy. 

I chuckle at all of this because I know that sometime after Spring Break next year, it will be all I can do to manage to get them to school on time.  Forget even trying to be one of the lead 5 cars.  Their snacks will probably consist of a granola bar and pretzels.  They will be lucky to get a bowl of cereal for breakfast.  Their backpacks will be falling apart.  But instead of buying them a new one, I will try to figure out a way to rig them (probably involving tape and glue).  My van will look like a tornado ran through it and as the van door slides open so the kids can exit, I am sure garbage will fall out.  The boys will no longer be skipping to school, rather, they will look like sloths as I try to prod them out of the van.  I, of course, will be contemplating wearing my pajamas to drop them off.  It's not like I have to get out of the van anyway I will tell myself as I am trying to justify that pajamas make proper attire for taking kids to school.  I drive away looking, well, tired and rough. 

This is the first year in 7 1/2 years that I have had no children at home during the day.  Can't you just hear me squeal with excitement?  I have almost 7 hours during the day now to be kid-free.  Now, please don't misunderstand.  I LOVE my kids.  But I am finding out that I LOVE my quiet time too.  It has been almost magical to have quiet time. I don't even turn on the tv most days.  But if I wanted to watch tv, I get to use the remote all by myself.  I get to eat lunch without being interrupted.  If I want to take a nap, by golly, I can (although I haven't done that yet).  I can talk on the phone without constantly having to apologize for the noise in the background.  My husband has every other Friday off and we have declared those days as sacred.  Last Friday, we went to the movies.  It was so weird seeing a movie in the daytime on a weekday.  I almost felt like we were doing something wrong or sneaky.  But it was awesome.  The theater was practically empty.  Then we went to lunch and simply had a wonderful day.  It's amazing how just a few hours alone with your husband can change your mood and refresh you for the upcoming week. 

Anyway, I am thankful to report that so far all four boys like school.  This is the first year that the three littles are in school full time.  This new schedule has taken a toll on them however.  They are exhausted by 6pm each evening.  Oliver falls asleep in the chair by 6:30pm each night only to be carried to bed by his dad.  Carter insists he's not tired, but we frequently find him sprawled out on the office floor with thumb in mouth and sound asleep.  William begs to stay up late, but his eyes begin glazing over by 7:30pm.  Zander made the high school soccer team again this year and after practice, he comes home, eats a snack large enough to feed our entire family, takes a shower, and then takes a nap before doing homework.  Needless to say, the school year is in full swing.  But, here are their happy "first day of school" pictures.  Perhaps this year, I should also take a "last day of school" picture just for kicks. 

Here's proof that Carter's "not" tired.  Not sure why he chooses the office floor.



It's only 5:15 and he's out cold!!!

Learning to Cope When God Closes the Door

Big decisions are often very hard to make, especially when many lives are impacted.  Earlier this year, our family was asked to consider adopting an 11 year old boy, and who is Carter's half-brother.  After months of praying and in full obedience to God, we kept walking through the doors just knowing God had led us down this path.  With each hoop we jumped through, it was abundantly clear that our family should proceed.  We met Amarrion via Skype, we met him in person as a family in April and we just kept getting confirmations that we should proceed to the next step.  We made all necessary preparations including buying a minivan, building an addition in the basement to accomodate each child, and finalizing our home study.  Each step of the long process just always felt right.  The next huge step was to have Amarrion come for a visit for three weeks.  The family was very excited, although, also nervous.  You never KNOW a person until you LIVE with him.  The good days were pleasantly good and the rough days were overly rough.  Each evening, Beau and I would literally just fall into bed without much conversation.  We were exausted, but still hopeful (most days). 

I don't believe that either one of us were naive about the situation.  We knew it would be tough, we knew there would be obstacles, we were prepared for undesirable behaviors, and we knew that Amarrion had little nurturing and love over the years.  The elementary school was prepared to bring in what ever services needed to help him be successful academically.  Our church was very supportive and some even stepped up offering to be mentors to Amarrion.  Beau and I felt a sense of community with this upcoming change.  Besides, it takes a village, does it not?  But we also felt it was worth the struggle in order to put two brothers together who would never have known each other otherwise.  Family is important and with so many broken homes in the world, we were delighted to try to bring one back together.  It all sounds like a Hallmark movie, doesn't it? 

And although the foster agency was fairly forthcoming with information regarding this young boy, the sad truth is that he is a victim of a broken system.  The agency wants what is best for their children and many people have their "hearts in the right places", so to speak.  But the reality of the situation comes down to money, rules, parental rights, and lack of adequate help.  Caseworkers are over-worked and severely underpaid, there aren't enough funds in the system to adequately care for the needs of each child, and birth parents are given far more rights than they deserve.  I am sorry if I sound harsh or bitter, but I feel that I have been around the system enough to make this kind of educated opinion.  Foster parents taking in broken children with pitifully sad pasts and instead of using the state funds to assist the child to enrich their lives and better their circumstances, using those funds for personal use.  Sickening.  Foster parents going on family vacations, but leaving their fosters behind.  Foster parents taking family photos, but leaving out the fosters.  Foster parents rationing their formula they receive from their WIC checks, only to leave the babies crying from hunger.  We all know that the WIC program does not provide enough food, it is simply to help subsidize.  Foster parents get a small check each month from the state to provide for these children.  They already came from broken homes, so why are they continuing to be placed in broken foster homes?  We should be ourtaged.  Foster parents that put their fosters in an after school program where homework is to be completed only so that the parents don't have to be "bothered with doing homework with their foster child".  How is this any better than where the child started?  Oh, well, ok.  In a foster home, the foster parents are tested for substance abuse and a criminal background check is completed.  But beyond that?  How can we expect these children to love themselves and find value in themselves when the people that are caring for them do not express this?   Oh, I have so many stories that I could share. I have personally met foster children that were being neglected in their foster homes, but I think most people already know that the foster care system is broken. 

Anyway, many people asked me, "What would be the reason you didn't proceed with the adoption?"  The only answer that Beau and I had for this was if the safety of our other 4 children were to be compromised.  In the three weeks that Amarrion was with us, we had so many tender moments.  It was precious to see Amarrion and Carter connect (even though Carter didn't know that Amarrion was his half brother).  Amarrion helped Beau teach William to ride a bike with no training wheels.  Oliver enjoyed playing with Amarrion.  Zander and he even had good times together.  But at the end of the day, it was abundantly clear that Amarrion was deeply broken, beyond what I or Beau could help.  I admire parents that have the ability, love, and compassion to take in older children and pour their entire selves into these children and help them turn into happy and healthy adults.  I thought we would be those kind of parents.  Without getting into the details, because the details do not matter,
Beau and I were given a clear sign on Amarrion's last day here that we could not protect our other 4 children from some of his behaviors.  And although I was still clinging onto caring for Amarrion, I turned to God.  I stayed awake almost all night long praying.  I begged for God to clearly tell me how to proceed.  The next morning I awoke with a sense of peace and an answer.  Beau had the same sense of peace and clear decision as well.  I flew home early that morning with Amarrion knowing that this would probably be the last time I would see him.  We knew that not proceeding with the adoption was the right decision for our family, but I was completely heart broken.  I learned to love Amarrion despite his brokeness.  Doesn't God love his children despite our brokeness and wickedness?  I kept asking myself why did God bring us this far into this journey only to abruptly end it?  I may never know.  But I have to be content with knowing that through the entire journey, Beau and I were completely obedient (even when we were scared and hesitant). 

Now our prayers have changed for Amarrion.  We pray for this safety, salvation, and for him to receive the therapy he needs to grow into a happy and healthy adult.  In the meantime, our family will continue to send him cards and gifts in the mail.  We will love him from afar.  God will do the rest.