Braces, Poetry, and all that other stuff.....

Zander has always been an active boy.  He began playing learning games on the computer when he was 3, started reading and playing soccer when he was 4, had a major obsession with Legos and Star Wars when he was 5, loved his gymnastics classes when he was also 5, became interested in video games when he was 6, had a passion for reading (always), loved playing math games (with his dad, and still does) and being on the math team at school.  He began Cub Scouts in 3rd grade and loves camping.  Now he loves Chess and enjoys that club at school.  Some of these interests have come and gone, but some have remained a passion in his life. 

But recently, Zander became interested in poetry.  Now, we always read ALOT to Zander and he loved Dr. Seuss and enjoyed Shel Silverstein, which were simple forms of poetry.  But when his English teacher announced they were going to do a 6 week survey of poetry, he moaned and groaned.  However, as the weeks progressed and as the teacher began reading some poetry to the class, Zander was hooked.  It was so exciting to see a new "spark" in Zander.  It seems to take a lot now to pique his interest.  Zander began writing poems that were meaningful, insightful, and full of emotion.  These are not words that I would have ever used previously to describe Zander.  Not because he doesn't possess these qualities, but because he simply suppressed these emotions.  Anybody that knows Zander knows that he is a "to the point", "everything is black and white", "bottomline", thinker who excels in things like math and science.  Definitely not creative, emotional, and vulnerable.  But I am so thankful that poetry has opened a door to Zander's heart and has allowed him the opportunity to express himself.  We all need a place where we can purge all those thoughts and put them into a beautiful form. 

Yesterday, Zander's English class put together a Poetry Cafe.  Each child in his class presented their own version of creativity, but his teacher hand selected a few students who got to invite their parents.  Zander got to read his own poems and give a short summary of who they are as a poet.  I sat there watching a young man deliver words that were full of passion and emotion.  Needless to say, it made me cry.  It was neat to see him evolve into new territory. 

Another new milestone occured this week...BRACES.  Since Zander's teeth had fully come in, he has been very self-conscious about this smile.  His bottom row of teeth were incredibly crowded, so much so, that he had 2 teeth growing behind the first row of teeth.  It gave him the appearance of have 2 rows of teeth.  Well, the day he had been looking forward to finally came this week.  He had his braces put on and he was truly excited.  I am not foolish, however, because I know that excitment will wear off soon.  Actually, it already has somewhat.  He is still skiddish about eating and how if feels in his sore mouth. But with time, that will wear off.  In 2 years, my already handsome son will have beautiful teeth.  Hopefully he will feel that it was worth it!


Finally got a good one!!



Zander would not open his mouth for the picture, but Will proudly did.  LOL

Mother's Day

As I become older, and hopefully wiser, I continually grow deeper appreciation for the role of a mother.  Being the mom of 4 very individual boys with different sets of personalities and backgrounds, I have had many opportunites to practice patience, learn new parenting skills, and see just how big my heart can love.  However, this blog isn't another my own children.  Rather, it is to celebrate the relationship that I have with my own mom. 


My mom and I in 1990 ish. 

 Growing up, I was one of those kids that was rebelious, stubborn, insisted on learning my lessons the hard way, and just plain difficult.  I always knocked heads with my mom.  Back then, I resented her "being in my business".  I didn't need to be told what to do because I already had all the answers.  My teenage years were rough.  The more I rebelled, the more she became involved, and then the more I became sneaky.  But I am so lucky that she was one of THOSE moms.  She never stopped inserting herself in my life.  The harder I pushed, the harder she tried.  I didn't appreciate it then, but I sure do now. 


Also 1990 ish....don't get distracted by all that hair. 

Even now, my mom and I are very different people.  She takes her time. I am impatient.  She has a more classic sense of style.  I like lots of colors.  We decorate our homes differently.  We drive differently.  We communicate differently.  You can perhaps chalk that up to me being adopted, or simply we are just different.  I still have my stubborn streaks, although I mask it far better now than I ever have.  These differences used to frustate me.  However, now, I have grown to appreciate them.  I don't always understand them, but I embrace them. 




As I approach 40, I see things differently because I have gained wisdom and perspective. My mom and I don't agree on many things, but I have come to love and appreciate her more with every year.  When I moved to New Hamspshire, I knew that being seperated from my parents was going to be hard, but probably necessary so that I could come to this new appreciation for our relationship.  The one thing that I can say with absolute certainity about my mom and dad is that they will always be in my corner despite our different opinions.  I am very fortunate to have the childhood that I had, the tough lessons I learned as a teenager, and the growing up that had to happen as a young adult.  I am blessed because my parents were there during the whole process. 

Mom and Dad visited New Hampshire for Mother's Day 2012

My Mom on Mother's Day 2012

My parents did a great job loving, providing, and supporting me.  However, I am now in the loving hands of my husband. I am completely grateful for his leadership, strength, wisdom, and love that he provides for our family. Having such loving parents of my own taught me how to have a loving relationship with my husband. Thank you mom and dad.

Life Lessons

As parents, you teach your children all the basic moral lessons you can squeeze into just a short time.  When you first bring home that sweet bundle of joy, 18 years seems like a very long time.  Plenty of time to teach them all they need to know.  But now, we are in the teenage years.  I remember having a hard time being an early teen.  But I never imagined how hard it was going to be as a mother of a teenager  As they get older, the lessons become harder to teach.  Partly, because the lessons become more serious and partly because as they become teenagers your children apparently already know everything.  In any case, Bruce and I are feeling the pressures of knowing that we really only have Zander under our wings for a few more years.  Now I do realize that although I would like to think Zander is under my control, the truth is Zander belongs to God.  God is in control and no matter what I do as a mom, God has a special plan for Zander's life.  The thoughts of him moving away to attend college frighten me, especially if his current behaviors and habits are to be an indication of future performance. 

My son recently encountered an opportunity to be the "bigger person" in a difficult situation.  He and 3 other boys had a huge History project to work on that took about a month to complete.  One boy in particular had the knack of pushing all of Zander's buttons (and pushing the buttons of the other teammates) and became delighted in doing so. I would love to report that Zander took the high road and made the right decision. Sadly, that was not the case.


Now, Zander is quite an intelligent guy but he also comes with very hard set opinions about most things.  As his mother, I sat by just watching this situation brewing.  Bruce and I both talked to Zander daily about trying to see the other boy's perspective.  We talked about keeping his cool.  Showing kindness, mercy, and most of all tolerance.  After all, God made everybody different.  We are not called to necessarily LIKE everyone, but we are certainly called to LOVE them.  Or at the very least, find a way to get along. 
Naturally, I would have rather this situation not occured.  But it did and now I was faced with dealing with the consequences.  And so was Zander.    I know there is always a lesson in everything.  There will be trials and opportunites for growth.  I just didn't want this one.  After much talking and praying with Zander, restrictions made and priviledges removed, my apologies made to the child's mother, Bruce and I thought we were done.  But no.  Zander had not make the necessary apologies to the teammate.  Without getting into the long details of this situation, Zander simply did not handle himself in a manner that would please God.  Things like pride, stubborness, and intolerance became the emotions that fed Zander's behavior.  It is so hard to sit by and watch our children stumble in the same areas we did when we were young.  We want to protect our children.   But sometimes the only thing for a parent to do is to remain silent....for a time. 
At the conclusion of this project, Zander went up to the father and son and with a very sincere, heavy heart, he apologized.  The father came to me afterwards and praised Zander for his genuineness and acknowledged that Zander did this from his own repetence.  I know the lessons are going to be hard for Zander.  Afterall, he is my son.  I was an incredibly stubborn young lady and the only lessons I learned in life were always learned the hard way.

A dear friend told me that when she prays for her son, she no longer prays the same way she used to.  No longer does she simply pray for her son to make the right decisions or for him to do what is right.  Instead, she prays that God would convict her son so that he can remain right with God.  My friend is very smart and I too have begun praying that way.  Bruce and I are here to nurture, teach, love, discipline, and enjoy our children.  But it is HIS job to grab a hold of Zander's heart. 

So now, we wait for the next lesson in Zander's life and pray that he has grown from this experience.  I love Zander and I am proud of him. 

Carter's 3rd Birthday

For the few of you that are following my blog, I am trying to play catch up.  My blogs are going to be out of order for the next few posts as I insert all the "stuff" that needs to be translated to words. 

On April 15, 2009, Arrie Keyon Carter was born.  I didn't know the little guy yet and I was home tending to my family that was comprised of a husband, 2 sons, 1 foster son, and 1 foster daughter.  I was busy and couldn't even imagine having another BOY!  But God has such a different plan for us.  On Friday, June 26, 2009, my foster daughter was reunited with her family.  Beau and I, although sad, were very relieved.  We thought this was an opportunity to relax and focus on our 3 boys.  That weekend was so nice, calm, and relaxing.  It was much needed.  However, Monday afternoon, on June 29, 2009, I received a call from our beloved Gordon  (foster child placement coordinator).   He had a 2 1/2 month old baby boy that needed placement.  I did not hesitate and said yes.  Of course.

 Now, I naturally fell in love with him instantly.  But my deep affection was nothing in comparison to Beau's bond with Carter.  (We called him Carter from the beginning because Arrie and Ollie sounded too close and was confusing William).  Beau loves all his boys greatly and has a special bond with each, but Carter struck a deep and penetrating place in Beau's heart.  Carter was very quickly looking for Beau during the day and listening for his voice.  He smiled every time Beau was near.  He preferred Beau's loving arms to my own.  Carter was the easiest baby I had ever been around.  He was good natured, easy to soothe, slept well, ate well, and was even good at entertaining himself.  We were all taken in by Carter.  He was much loved by his 3 brothers too.  Carter became "Will's baby", and Ollie even learned to be gentle with Carter.  After having 2 other little brothers, Zander was able to more confidently hold and feed Carter.  It even became natural to Zander.  Actually, I was very thankful for Zander's help during this time because I now had a 2 month old, an 18 month old, and a 2 year old.  Yikes!
Carter quickly became part of the family and it seemed he was chasing his older brothers around too soon.  After a long adoption process, Carter became ours shortly after he turned 2.

 
I am sitting here now looking at my 3 year old.  I am kind of sad because I know he is our last son and I will not have anymore little babies.  But I also cherish the fact that I am almost done with diapers.  I love this age because he is beginning to learn so many new things.  But that sweet, easy going baby has turned into a singing, mischievous, funny little boy.  He sings with such soul.  He gets into everything (with a smile on his face).  And we can already see such a funny sense of humor developing.  It's such a joy to watch him.  He does everything with such enthusiasm, all while walking on his tippy toes.  He makes funny faces that remind us of  Grover, which is now his new nickname.  I even say that when he sleeps, he looks guilty of something.  But then that sweet little thumb in his mouth, and the favorite corner of the pillowcase brushed up on his nose, and he is the little baby I remembered from the beginning. 

What a pleasure it is to be his mom and dad.  I sure do love you, Carter Ashton.  Happy Birthday!

Carter requested a green cake.  Where is Cami when you need her?

Daddy and Carter

The First Six Months Was Not What I Imagined

On July 22, 2011, the van lines pulled away from my house in Middleburg, FL with all of our belongings and I stood in an empty house excitedly and nervously anticipating the next chapter of my life. 

Although I was incredibly sad about leaving the only "real" home I knew, I was still impatiently ready to go.  I lived in the Orange Park/Middleburg area for 30 years.  I established the best relationships I have ever known, we loved our church family through Pathway and Hibernia, and we had such a huge support network.  Most importantly, my parents were here.  But, after spending nearly 9 long months separated from Beau and Zander, I could hardly wait to get on the road to to New Hampshire.  Those 9 months were not only lonely because I was missing two of my family members, but I was left behind to handle the emotional roller coaster of an adoption.  And trust me, it was a messy, eventful, life changing event.  Still a blessing, though. 

Now, although I was excited about New Hampshire and told myself I was ready to embrace the change, I was still completely taken back by my deeply penetrating sadness and loneliness.  I kept telling myself that I was open to new friendships.  I was certainly invited to enough things.  But between Beau's new job, the  long hours, Zander's busy school schedule, and the little boys chaos, I just didn't make it to any of the invites. 

I was such a mess during my first six months here in beautiful New Hampshire.  I was excited one minute and in the depths of despair the next (Anne of Green Gables reference....that's for you Cami).  I couldn't get my emotions under control.  I needed to be there to help support Beau so that he could more efficiently do his job.  I needed to be a strong mom so that I could be effective for my children.  But I was minimally holding myself together, and much less doing the above jobs.  I wrote one time on a Facebook status that I was missing my Florida friends.  I had a friend respond that she thought it would have been easier by now after all this time.  My first reaction to myself was that "I just moved here."  However, upon further reflection, I realized that I had been here for six whole months.  Half a year.  24+ weeks.  168 days.  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  What was wrong with me?  It was time to snap out of this ridiculous self-absorbed, pitiful state. 

After a lot of prayer, God covered me in His grace and mercy.  I forgave myself.  I stopped resenting my situation.  Beau made me promise that I would do everything I could to accept future invitations.  I am proud to report that since I made that promise to my smart husband I have joined the ladies bible study at my church, I have hung out with a couple of girlfriends, and have even had people over to the house.  We are now planning a near future cookout at the house and I am very excited about that. 

I think that Florida will always be home in my heart, but I am sincerely excited about future friendships, new memories, and raising my family in New Hampshire.  I hindsight, I wish that I had handled these past months with more graciousness and maturity, but I suppose how I handle the future roller coasters will have to count. 

Zander's Trip to Florida

For Winter Break, Zander decided he wanted to go to Florida and spend his time with family and friends.  So, for a couple of months, Zander worked on extra chores (which I totally loved the extra help) and earned his airfare.  I am so thankful that he has a relationship with Nana and Pop.  Growing up, my grandmother lived so far away that I rarely ever saw her.  Same goes for my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  But Zander has always had a special relationship with his nana and pop.

In fact, when he was 6 weeks old I had to return to work.  The only way I could resume my work was knowing that he was in excellent hands during my absence.  My mom kept Zander until he was 2 years old.  She often got to experience some of his "first" milestones, but she tried to not tell me so that when I got to see the "first" things it seemed like it was my special moment with Zander.  I really appreciated that. 

Over the course of Zander's elementary years, he developed some very special relationships.  It was really neat because not only did Zander have awesome friends, but I dearly loved his friends' moms.  Zander's two best friends are Jarod and Joshua. 

Now, boys fight, and compete and certainly these three have had their share of both.  But, they have always come back together even stronger.  More like brothers, really.    

Thank you so much Nana and Pop for being such loving and supportive grandparents to Zander.  I know you are always in his corner.  Cami and Patty, thank you for making Zander a part of your family.  We love all of you guys and appreciate everything that you do. 

Zander is now a teenager....Oh My!!!

Holding Zander in our arms for the first time produced so many emotions all at once.  Of course the normal emotions that every first parent experiences were present.  Things like, where is the instuction manual?  Am I going to know what to do when he is sick?  How will I always protect him?  Will I be able to answer all his questions?  But with Zander, I had far more questions than an average first time parent would have.  Will he be able to hear when I sing to him?  Does he have a stomach?  How will he ever be able to play sports without thumbs?  How can Zander sign if he doesn't have thumbs?  Are his kidneys and heart functioning properly?  How long will he live?  But as the hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months, these questions soon became answered or no longer mattered. 

Beau and I excitedly celebrated Zander's first birthday. 

It was shortly prior to his 1st birthday that he was finally given a clean bill of health.  He could hear (with only a mild hearing loss), his kidneys (although one being undersized) were functional, his heart was completely normal.  And his thumbs?  Still missing, but we knew it was going to be ok.  It was at this time, that Beau and I started really getting excited about Zander's future.  We just had an unexplained peace about Zander and knew he would be celebrating many more birthdays.  He was truly our little miracle. 

Now he is 13.  With 13 comes a lot of unwanted things.  His voice sounds funny.  He has dark hairs above his lip.  He suddenly knows everything.  Beau and I aren't as smart as we once were.  We certainly are not as cool as we once thought we were.  Zander is doing a lot of changing now.  He is now as tall as me (I know that's not saying much), we can wear the same size shoes, and he is wearing adult sized clothes.  I almost do not recognize him anymore. 

But, one thing is still present that allows me to SEE him.  His heart.  I am so thankful for glimpses (even short ones) of his kind heart.  You see, Zander is exactly like me is a lot of ways.  That likeness creates a lot of "butting heads".  But then God reveals Zander's heart to me and I melt.  I see moments of kindness and genorsity.  I witness times of tenderness when Zander is reading a book to his brothers.  I see God working in him and through him.  I get to see "ah-ha" moments as he discovers something new about God. 

This past year has been especially hard on our family.  Zander celebrated his 12th birthday with just his dad in New Hampshire.  No friends.  No mom.  No brothers.  But through the trials and loneliness, Zander handled this time apart in a new area with much grace and maturity. 

Now, Beau and I have a new set of questions on Zander's 13th Birthday.  Will WE survive the next few years?  Will we have the wisdom and patience to handle situations WHEN they arise?  Has Zander learned anything we have taught him?  Will his conscience prevail?  Will he make good decisions?  Ugh, so overwhelming. 

We can only continue to pray for our first baby that God will protect him, grow him, challenge him, and most importantly, draw Zander closer to Himself.   Beau and I will love and embrace Zander every step of the way. 

I pray that Zander can learn to love himself as Christ loves him.  We sure do love you, son.